Last year four sweaty children posted a cover of "Hit the Road Jack" to Hubski
(https://hubski.com/pub?id=158406) now we're back and sweatier than ever. thank you for your very kind words last time around
Now we have written and recorded 3 original songs ourselves, here is one of them, tell us what you think!!
We even have demo album art and everything it's pretty swell
My take, feel free to tell me to fuck off.
Take the drums to about 70% of where they are in the mix. Compare a really similar sound from The Bravery to what you're trying to do. They also have a really powerful bass and drum entry but use the drummer's skills instead of volume. Let your drummer get a little done here. Admittedly Anthony Burulcich is a fucking monster so don't hold your drummer over the coals here.
With the cut at 1:20 that's working really well with the effect. Just try and get right on top of it when you come back in.
In the chorus you should be coming in less monotone in the last line, "But it not the same as before." You don't have to ruin your last verse's reserved intensity to do it, but you can at least add some intonation to it by saying it with more emotion. You could change the pacing because most of the time you're coming off the chorus without anything directly following it. If you can hit the notes (which 2:45 shows you can), this is the time to commit and get at it. I understand why you're monotone in the first two lines; you're talking about not being surprised. But you can make better use of this.
Take the bass out when you have the break at 2:15 and try to clean up the hiss to make it more powerful. Have the bass come in after your voice a play four beats before the guitar comes in hard on top of it. Then you come back in on the vocals where 2:35 is instead of 2:47 over the top of the guitar and this wave and it gets nasty to finish up. Or you could add the original keys back in from 0:11 for a better bookend effect than you're getting with the wave effect. Then take the wave out for the last part at 3:05. It not doing what you want it to.