This was a great conversation, this is just a slice of it.
I was in Michigan two months ago and hung out with mk above his garage. It's a nice space, there's a comfy couch, his painting/art supplies, a large card/gaming table and beer. The conversation was meant to be part of a larger podcast with other participants on the topic of "fear." But I enjoyed this conversation so much on its own that I decided to post it as is. The result is a conversation between two good friends, slightly drunk and very candid.
There are three songs used in this. The first is an instrumental from cW, the second is a song that I (thenewgreen) recorded and the last is a song from Matt Jones. -Matt was kind enough to give me permission to use this tune Hand Out The Drugs after I cornered him and asked his permission at my cousins wedding. -Check out his music.
Gorgeous - moving, touching.
Some random thoughts. My comments are somewhat abstract rather than grounded in some real-life thing.
mk said he was scared all the time in this sense: "the what-am-I-doing scared" and "Is-the-time-I-spent-here-spent-well scared." (or that might have been tng's paraphrase)
I ask the same question, but without the element of fear. I ask "What is worth doing?" -- maybe every day. And then trying to do it. Sometimes well, sometimes badly.
It's worth asking those questions and being scared about, no matter how accomplished you are.
On the other hand, there's a lot to say also for a sense of inner peace. How effective are you if you are motivated by fear instead of love.
I think mk is motivated by love...but the early traumas that he speaks of must add an element of fear to the mix for sure.
So the trick is to ask "What is worth doing?" and then trying to do it. Maybe when you add a fear into the mix, you ask the question a little more fiercely.
Then tng asks: "What's been the scariest moment that you would not want to relive?" and was surprised that the conversation went to a dark place. When I think of any scary moment that I do not want to relive, it's pretty dark. I'm glad I don't have to go there. I also stay away from violent films and horror films... once you've been there in your own life, you don't need to go there for "entertainment."
The two of you talked about the moments when your life changes, where you know there was a before and an after that will be different.
Some of these result from making decisions, taking a stand, having a realization.
Some of these, like mk's, are thrust upon you by the universe and you ... can't ... turn ... back.
One particularly moving thing about the conversation was when mk said that, when you meet people, you just never know what they are going through or have just been through. They might have just passed through a before/after moment --- or they might have been through one when they were five years old, that still affects them --
and you don't know it -
so - don't make assumptions about others.