I had a Skype meeting with my undergrad thesis advisor today to talk about various things -- details of a new project we're starting together, talking over the final edits of a poster I'm presenting at a conference, etc. At the end of our meeting, we talked about the level of involvement he should have with my various projects going forward since I'm now starting a PhD program across the country. We jointly decided it's best to keep in touch about what each other are doing since there's such a high degree of overlap, both a) to prevent situations where we do the exact same work on accident, and b) because talking through ideas with someone else in the field is always good! But obviously the frequency and depth of our contact will be much reduced.

I can't help but feel sad. This is the latest in the process of walking out of my last life stage and into the next. First there was moving and leaving friends/family/SO behind, then there was getting acquainted with my new lab and labmates, and now there's becoming less and less involved with my old advisor. It's starting to feel "real". This week, I have new grad student orientation and next week I start classes.

I'm having tons of fun in my new city, I'm excited about the direction my research is going, I like my new friends, I can't wait to meet the other students in my cohort, etc etc etc. But I can't help but feel all weepy about everything I left behind. :(

lil:

    But I can't help but feel all weepy about everything I left behind. :(

How lucky you are to feel weepy. How beautiful it is that you do. Imagine how awful your undergraduate years would have been if all you feel is joy at getting away from it all.

Good memories of happy satisfying times will always be tinged with a little sadness because they are past. The sadness is a way of honoring the memory, deepening its meaning. Those same memories that are making you weepy are exactly the experiences, connections, and relationships that made you strong enough to take this next step of going TO something new and important, not just running away from a dark place.

Does that make sense?


posted 3166 days ago