I came to the United States 8 weeks ago, and what comes out strikingly is:
Americans get offended by words very easily.
Why is it that I have to sugarcoat every statement, every joke needs to be followed up with "Hey I am just kidding." Just curiously asking, when, how and where did the sensitive mentality come from? I am trying to collect a list of words I should not use in this country (And make sure any of my sentences don't come off in a way that hurts others I care about).
It is interesting to note that there are certain words which originate from a dark, horrific past like the word nigger. Obviously you won't go up to a black person and say nigger (which I agree is an extremely offensive thing to do) , but people say it among themselves still all the time (black or not) (almost like replacing the term bro) adding to the confusion. I am pretty sure it's not right to say it, but if someone says that to me, should I be offended? (I am not fair-skinned)
Another word which is frowned upon publicly is "OMG, that's so retarded". Again I am assuming that the person who one says that to is not suffering from a mental illness. (Just for those out there- I do sympathize with the mentally ill- Having done lots of charity work for them). Is calling someone a retard, similar to racially profiling people like the word nigger does? How did this specific word come to be a taboo? (Are it's synonyms also tabooed- like mad, crazy etc.?)
How does one decide which words can be used and which can't be? ("That asshole" can be said in a laughing manner or in a serious manner, which can either be cool at a dinner party or can cause a punch up).
Completely leaving the above words aside(I sorta get it why the above words are tabooed, but would love to hear a discussion from you guys about this). Normal sentences hurt. ("Hey, why do you guys tip?" - this statement hurts in two ways- 'you guys' (profiling Americans) and 'tip' (tipping culture) leading to everyone raising their hands and screaming stuff about "minimum wage" and "in this country") There are many such sentences which may seem normal to me but comes out very rudely to Americans. Many times foreigners seem to be rude, but genuinely we try not to. (Unless we don't like you- then we don't give a shit).
Words affect us in many ways I agree. In every country there are sensitive issues which lead to taboos. As someone from outside USA , I cannot even comprehend the complex history and social structure which has built The United States. I have really liked my time here, but I want to make sure I don't enrage people easily (people I give a shit about that is) which I guess I have after writing this post- so before commenting just take a deep breath, drink a sip of water and then start.
Worth Noting: When I use the words shit in 2 places in my text, (or even a lot of Why?) did some of you think I am frustrated or angry? (Which i am NOT by the way) Since the background score of our emotions is not present via the internet- words might hurt people much faster.
Generally, words which formed in the shadow of a power imbalance are a bad choice.
The n-word you used was one of contempt specifically for subjugated people of African heritage. To use the word to address black people today is to remind them that their race once literally owned. It's especially bad when the person using the term is white and thus echoing actual historical context. Black people addressing each other in this way perhaps consider it acknowledgment of a shared heritage and contemporary struggle against the very real relics of that history. People of other backgrounds using it can be seen to be appropriating that.
The r-word you used is rooted in times where society locked up people who had delayed or injured development as they were deemed a burden, as defective and even less than human. Even today the word isn't addressed to people as a compliment. Using the word pejoratively, even for situations or objects, can remind people with developmental delays that they are still considered less than. Hearing it can erode already shaky self-esteem and confidence. People with delays don't carry around a neon sign to make sure you know that they're there, so it's often an invisible disability. It's best to just not go there.
Calling someone an asshole isn't the same thing. But consider that "ass" is often considered swearing over here.
Stirring up anguish over wage inequality also isn't the same thing. Nobody likes having to tip or and even less having to depend on tipping.
Swearing/cussing isn't the same thing, and context is important. Some parts of the country are a lot more religious than you're probably used to, and their interpretations of how this should be applied to language is probably very different.