Ready To See You

  I haven’t seen you in a long time.
  I’ve looked past you and averted gaze,
  And pretended I saw you,
  When I wasn’t really looking at all.
  But, truly, I haven’t seen you in a while.

  I want to see you again and not have you look,
  Through me to what I once was.
  I want to deserve your gaze as who I am now.
  I’m honored there was a time where you would even look back,
  Much less let me see you. 

  You deserve to be looked upon.
  I’m jealous of everyone else,
  Who has seen you when I couldn’t even look.
  As I might have seen my reflection or your opinion.
  But you deserve to be looked upon and loved.

  I’m finally ready to see and be seen.
  I’m sick of pity and self-loathing.
  If I made it this long maybe my punishment is over.
  And I can deserve you again.

  I’m not sure that I could have not lived in the past,
  I simply was not ready to leave.
  It is time to move forward. Move towards you.
  I will see you again.
  I refuse to let you be a casualty.