A woman who admits "I don't know how to give my child his medicine, because my husband does that so well he won't let me help," would be ridiculed, while a man who said the same (if his tone indicated pride in his wife's mothering abilities) wouldn't usually get the same negative reaction. There's a pathological fear (as the article touched on) that goes with modern womanhood -- no matter HOW much a woman does, she'll never be a good enough worker OR a good enough mother. Stay at home with the kids and you're a lazy leech; go to work and you're a "refrigerator mother" whose children never see her and are at a heightened risk of all sorts of disorders. Controlling at home and you're a bitch; put your feet up to let Daddy take over, and you're "dropping the kids on your hard-working husband after a long day of bringing home the bacon."

A lot of this isn't even anyone else speaking. It's self-talk, the internalized anxieties of women who've grown up expected to conquer the world AND raise children who are all, as in Lake Wobegon, above average. Even television "for women," like Sex and the City, shows the best mothers as those who leave work for their kids. You don't see many portrayals of cheerful daycare kids with two working parents, any more than you see stay at home dads who aren't held up as either weirdos or watered down by having them run a home business.

Just like in an ideal two-parent household, everyone needs to pitch in to change the lingering patriarchal conceptions of womanhood and manhood, here. Women need to close their eyes, take a deep breath, hand the baby over, and let dad have his own triumphs or failures without a constant, hovering, maternal presence over his shoulder. Men need to step up and do not just what's on their honey-do lists (managed by a wife who hopes not to be seen as a nag) but simply what needs to be done -- instead of waiting for a "Change the baby!" order from the mother, grab it as it crawls by, sniff it, and change it if the situation warrants.

Spheres of responsibility in male/female partnerships were once absolute and gendered. He is responsible for work and earning money. She is responsible for childcare and housework. She might earn some spending money here and there; he might play a game of catch with the kids here and there. Now, if we want both spheres to be shared and as genderless as is biologically possible, men and women alike should commit to communicating in a way that both acknowledges and fine-tunes the delicate dance of partnership without rigidly defined roles. It's not easy, but from what I see in my middle sister's marriage, when you get it right, it's totally worth it.