I've had this file hanging around on various computers for many years; 20 at least. I don't remember where I found it exactly. About ten years ago I compiled it with gcc - lots of warnings but it compiled and ran. (edit: hubski markup mangles it. I'll try to figure out how to turn it off)
typedef short some; /* some things are short */ typedef some very; /* some things are very short */
#define A /* The first letter of the English Alphabet */ #define LINE 2 /* 2 points define a line */
#define TRUTH BEAUTY /* truth is beauty */ #define BEAUTY 10 /* and beauty is a 10 */
#define bad char /* burnt on both sides */ #define old char /* the great Chicago Fire */
#define get strlen /* during your life, try to get some sterling */ #define youmake float /* you make it, I'll drink it */
#define yourgoals in terms you can understand /* #include "yourdreams" /* for the future */
/* everyone needs goals */
short term; double yourpleasure(); double yourfun;
long Term, play(), agame;
/* everyone needs diversions */
old *joke = "Why did the chicken cross the road?\n\tTo get to the other side!\n\t\tWocka Wocka Wocka!\n";
tell(joke) bad *joke; /* wait- you haven't heard it yet! */ { short laugh; /* please */
laugh = get(joke); write(1, joke, laugh); /* write it down- don't say it */
}
/* most folks like music */
long play(record) long record; { very pleasant = TRUTH; /* if you like music */
while (record == pleasant) play(record--);
return( pleasant ); /* music soothes the savage */ }
double yourpleasure(one, way) /* this is necessary if */ some one; /* is watching ,or if you have a */ long way; /* to go */ { /* this can change one while maintaining one's identity */ one = one * one; return( one ); /* after all, it should have at least doubled */ }
hold(temper) /* good advice */ A short temper; /* is a dangerous thing */ { A long time; /* is what you need */ very calm; /* is how you should be */
calm = temper, temper;
while (calm--) wait(&time);
return(calm); /* if possible */ }
/* now, on to the main thing */
main(thing, mustbe) /* to balance work, play, and goals */ some thing, mustbe; /* important, or we wouldn't be here */ {
long time(); /* know C */ very bored; /* the result of too few goals */
short hours; /* make */ long yourwork; /* which makes for */ short tempers; /* which can be improved by */ long laughing;
/* first, set priorities */ yourwork = 0; yourfun = 1.0e+38;
if (yourpleasure( mustbe, yourwork )) yourfun = yourwork; else yourfun = play( agame );
bored = yourfun - yourwork; /* nothing to do? */ /* reach out and touch someone! */
switch ( bored ) { /* connects all of this together */ default: hours = hold(LINE); /* no way to avoid it, take a */ break; }
/* take a music break */ while ( thing-- ) { /* you make my heart sing */ youmake everything; very groovy; }
/* focus on what is important to you */ while ( yourfun < 0 ) { yourpleasure( mustbe, agame); yourfun = play( agame ); }
tell(joke);
exit( laughing ); }