In my recent meditations (Valentines day got me thinking about dating a lot) I've come to the realization I'm great at being a boyfriend, but bad at being single. The advice I've gotten from a few friends and my Dad boils down to 'Focus on yourself.' The struggle I'm having is that I'm not sure how I can do that without letting it become a narcissistic or selfish thing. In addition, I'm worried that if I focus on the things that will improve myself, and that I draw a lot of pleasure from, I'm probably not going to meet many, if any new people.
I think this is an issue of interpretation, because when I hear 'Focus on yourself' what I really hear is 'Focus on your schoolwork, your professional life, your musical skill, your fitness, your diet and assorted outdoorsy stuff (Kayaking, camping, fishing etc)'
So Hubski, how can I be better at being single without becoming a navel-gazing narcissist?
IMHO the term narcissism is over-applied. I believe we owe a respectful degree of self-actualization to our loved-ones. We humans require some work to get into top form.
To me, that means doing things that require some sort of investment, whether it be time, difficulty, persistence, etc.
Perhaps a useful approach would be to measure yourself from the perspective of a friend. If you were your friend, how would you see the person that is yourself? How could that person best grow, in your opinion?