THE PERSISTENCE OF MEMORY

You will not forget me,

Thinking Time your friend,

You will surrender to him.

Then, when you least expect it

The way some girl tilts her chin

or slender hand weaves a cigarette

A throaty laugh will ring out

and my ghost will be near.

You will not forget me

Though days become months

and cold winter warms its way to spring

Though your mind skims the surface

like an insect dancing on a pond –

one day you will dip beneath that mirror

to find me sitting smiling there,

my paintbrush in hand

a dab of color on my chin,

The sunlight catching the paisley pattern

of smoke above my flash of red hair

It will grip your heart for a second

squeeze it free of blood and air

leaving you breathless, tight and sore.

For this I am truly sorry, my lost love

I truly would not hand you pain.

There have been many girls

sliding through your life

Shapes and smiles blend into

one flowing sense of Womanhood

A flavor composed of many spices.

Such that; skin has a Woman taste

hair, a Woman scent – and pain…

Yes, pain will feel like Woman too.

You will not forget me

I am not like other girls

Though I taste like Woman

One day your hand will reach out

to caress a peach, test a tomato,

smell a ripened melon-

some yielding rounded shape

Your hand will stop mid-motion

and you will be taken back

to a chessboard before a blazing fire,

the strangeness of snow on the ocean

the warm light, a halo

around my sleeping naked form.

I woke to see you watching me

a sad smile held your lips as if

you knew this was a moment

you would need to remember later.

And when you are safe and warm one night

in the bed of your old age

as you slide slowly between the soft sheets,

remember how my legs would warm them for you

how we used them as a tent

to hold our love hidden

from even the eyes of God.

When you feel that old emptiness

at the sound of my ordinary name

at the unbidden movie in your mind

at the memory of all that was and could have been

know that you are not alone

know that I remember too.

  -- Caroll Houser