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tacocat's comments
tacocat  ·  140 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: PSA: The hubwheel is not a "like" button.

Where do you get the gall to come at me for being a dick then call someone a motherfucker for failing to respect your suffering? Life is not a game where the most pain is rewarded. Sorry you're having a bad time but life is not a suffering contest. I'm in bad shape. That's my cross to bear. Everyone has problems and they're important to them because they are their own. Me being homeless for two months is no less important than someone else failing to get a promotion. And I understand that. Because I don't whine about my self importance to seek sympathy

Is there a Russian word for laconic BTW? Because I'm tired of your verbose explanations

ThatFanficGuy  ·  140 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    That's my cross to bear.

That's right. Not others'. Which is my point.

tacocat  ·  140 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I rarely know what you're talking about. It gets weird when you think you can school me on usage and grammar.

If you understand your problems are your own then deal with them with quiet dignity instead of using them as an excuse to name call and be generally unpleasant

ThatFanficGuy  ·  140 days ago  ·  link  ·  

My problem is not with you. My problem is with something you did. Don't make it about your indignation.

I offered you my compassion in the best shape it presents itself. You blew it off.

There's no dignity in quiet. No bravery in suffering so that no one could see. That way, your burden becomes burden for others. It's how you find yourself talking to an Internet stranger you have no respect for about how they're insufferable and should crawl back into the hole they came from 'cause nothing good ever comes out of their mouth.

Quatrarius  ·  140 days ago  ·  link  ·  

tacocat and you: could you both cease or move to PM - you're cluttering up chatter with slapfighting

ThatFanficGuy  ·  140 days ago  ·  link  ·  

...what is it that makes you (and, seemingly, everyone) call it on me?

tacocat  ·  248 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: February 14, 2018

I helped teach junkies how to paint on Saturday and I'm going to do it by myself this weekend. Much complaining was offered about how their thing that has no objectively correct appearance didn't look right. We're probably going to do a sunset this weekend which is ridiculously easy as far as paintings go but I'm still expecting a lot of bitching. And interestingly, everyone thinks everyone's painting looks great except their own. People are silly things.

My ex contacted me on Friday. I would have ignored her but she sent me a David Foster Wallace quote about suicide that I've always liked. So that's a good introduction if you want your interlocutor to be worried. She did apologize for the way she treated me. Which is un expected and uncharacteristic and a bit worrisome on its own. I was still mad at her since I had just reminded myself of the time she came home from the bar early because I wasn't answering the phone and was pissed at me for not making dinner. Instead of being concerned that I wasn't answering the phone a week after a suicide attempt. A little bitterness is helping me not be depressed. Anyway, I shot a few barbs at her about how she treated me and how her ex husband is a fat piece of shit but overall I tried to show that I was concerned and let her know that you can be upset with someone for a long time and not hate them or wish to never speak to them again. I still don't know what the fuck her deal is and I question her motives for contacting me. But my therapist said I did a good job of establishing clear boundaries. And it was only a little depressing later to speak with my ex. Happy Valentine's Day!

kleinbl00  ·  248 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I read about the Gell-Mann Amnesia Effect yesterday. It's credited to Michael Chrichton:

    “Briefly stated, the Gell-Mann Amnesia effect is as follows. You open the newspaper to an article on some subject you know well. In Murray's case, physics. In mine, show business. You read the article and see the journalist has absolutely no understanding of either the facts or the issues. Often, the article is so wrong it actually presents the story backward—reversing cause and effect. I call these the "wet streets cause rain" stories. Paper's full of them.

    In any case, you read with exasperation or amusement the multiple errors in a story, and then turn the page to national or international affairs, and read as if the rest of the newspaper was somehow more accurate about Palestine than the baloney you just read. You turn the page, and forget what you know.”

In the space of two paragraphs, you observe:

    And interestingly, everyone thinks everyone's painting looks great except their own. People are silly things.

And

    I still don't know what the fuck her deal is and I question her motives for contacting me. But my therapist said I did a good job of establishing clear boundaries. And it was only a little depressing later to speak with my ex.

I know this much: I determined in my early '30s that I was attracted only to deeply broken women and that their deep breakage led to a shitload of unhappiness. I was fortunate in that my wife was feeling broken when we started dating, but wasn't, really, which allowed me to fool myself into doing the right thing. What was astonishing was how much easier it was to not be broken when I was with someone else who wasn't.

I doubt I will offend you when I point out that your life wasn't exactly flying high when you started dating her. One might reasonably conclude hers wasn't either. It's possible you're both in a better place now... and a little forgiveness might go a long way.

tacocat  ·  247 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Relative to me I get the impression she's in a worse place and after a while together last year I realized she was in a bad place from the start. I tried to offer reconciliation with some patience (that ran out) and an offer to go to counseling together but I got the same old shit. I just gotta keep my distance for a while. I tried to leave it so she understood I'm here but that it's not good for me to always be there for my own mental health. She has a hard time with subtleties of emotion. Tends towards the black and white. It's not fun

And while she works through her shit I'm not going to pine for her alone. I'm trying to find someone closer to mentally fit as I feel I am or at least I'm working towards

kleinbl00  ·  247 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I dated a girl - twice - whose problems were dire. They were entirely of her own construction as well. It was the second time around that I realized that unlike every other girl I'd dated, I couldn't "fix" this one - I told a friend (who I had fooled around with, but not dated) that I felt like I was reaching down onto the rails of a subway to help her up but I could see the train coming and wasn't sure if I could pull her up before she pulled me down.

It was a watershed moment. From that point I started dating defensively. There are people with so much baggage that you can't carry them and the more you try, the more you delay not just your own travels but theirs as well.

tacocat  ·  247 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Yeah. I thought I could just love her and she'd get better but so many problems for so many people are entirely of their own making or in their own mind and expectations of life. :

I'm not trying to find anyone who's perfect but I'm also done thinking I can fix anyone. Especially if they don't want help. We can improve people; we cannot fix them

oyster  ·  247 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I read something the other day that said something along the lines of how a good relationship doesn't make us want to change the other person, it makes us want to change ourselves. I'm still digesting it ,but it definitely stuck out to me. If someones wants it they'll work hard to grow and become the person you need in a relationship and you'll do the same for them. It's like we can only fix ourselves, and as much as we can support others we can't do the heavy lifting for them.

user-inactivated  ·  247 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    Much complaining was offered about how their thing that has no objectively correct appearance didn't look right. . . . And interestingly, everyone thinks everyone's painting looks great except their own. People are silly things.

I think maybe it's because what they're desiring to make and what they're actually able to make through skill are two different things. The final result doesn't live up to our expectations, we can see where we've made mistakes, and we become disappointed. When it comes to looking at the works of others though? We don't have any expectations and it's near impossible to see what of their work is deliberate and what is a mistake, so it's much easier to be impressed.

tacocat  ·  247 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I do hate pretty much everything I do. But I learned a long time ago to just say fuck it, good enough.

tacocat  ·  310 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: December 13, 2017

Printed a somewhat respectable looking book:

Going to the Moth again. Maybe won't be incredibly unlucky this time and I'll make it to the stage.

Oh yeah. Drew this too:

tacocat  ·  343 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Louis CK's powerful army of enablers

I mean, yeah. But maybe an effective way to change the culture is to punish the people who take advantage of the culture.

I think Louis CK is a great comedian. I think Kevin Spacey is a great actor. But maybe them losing their careers is what needs to happen to let others in their position know not to do this shit

goobster  ·  343 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Yeah, punishment has its place, too.

But abuse of power should be expected. We are monkeys and we use what power we have to dominate others. It's just what we are wired to do.

What we need to do is ensure those in power know their are repercussions for abusing their powerful positions in inappropriate ways.

But... that means we now need to report it to someone MORE powerful, who can then stomp down the powerful one that is abusing their power.

And we are back to the beginning again...

tacocat  ·  343 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Accepting that these things happen is a great way to preserve the status quo. If you want to change the culture then you have to demonstrate the repercussions. The reason people can abuse power is that the victims are afraid to come forward because they're in a less powerful position. Generally speaking. If Harvey Weinstien harassed Angelina Jolie while she was the most prominent female in Hollywood then that's not uniformly true. But you could explain that by saying she accepted it because it's the behavior she dealt with as she moved through the industry.

I think there are many problems that we are in the position to address at this point in history and they will probably take a culture shift. We've done that before and it was very difficult. Punishment is useful, not my preferred method but I can see its utility here. Accepting that certain things will happen is the best way to preserve the culture. You can accept them while at the same time saying they're unacceptable. I think that's what you're getting at. Like here in the US racism is generally accepted as unacceptable. That doesn't mean it's gone, it just means people who engage in that are more careful about it and it's maybe not as openly exposed as it once was. The racists clump together where they feel their views are accepted. We don't have as much overt racism in casual society as we once did.

The dynamic of men and women is trying to change to disallow this type of sexism but the idea that women are inferior and subservient is deeply entrenched in society to the point where women accept it and also don't even notice certain aspects of it because they're not seen as examples of sexism but rather just culture at large and how it will always be. It takes bravery to stand up against individuals and also societal norms and that's what happened in the Civil Rights Movement and that's what can happen in the near future. Maybe

kleinbl00  ·  343 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    Generally speaking. If Harvey Weinstien harassed Angelina Jolie while she was the most prominent female in Hollywood then that's not uniformly true.

If Harvey Weinstein harassed Angelina Jolie while she was the most prominent female in Hollywood, it would have been done to prove that Harvey Weinstein was more powerful than the most prominent female in Hollywood. Nonconsentual sexual acts are about power. "I'm more powerful than you, I don't need your consent." "I'm more powerful than you, I can steamroller you into consent." "I'm more powerful than you, I can convince the world you gave consent."

goobster is not wrong - the structure in place gave that power to men. What we're observing is a challenge to that structure. Here's a guess:

NBC did not run the Weinstein story, even knowing it was right, even knowing it was morally imperative, even knowing history would be on their side. They did not run it because they knew that if they were to fire the first volley, they would be consumed by an Inquisition that would have destroyed their internal culture, consumed their reporting, and dominated their dialog for the next two to five years. So they sat on it, made it go away, and chose to be in the position of reacting rather than acting.

The system is in dire need of change. It has been forever. But the first insider that speaks up is gonna get shot. When the corruption is self-supporting the only way to take it down is external force, and it's been such a chummy and insular community that the external forces couldn't get close enough to care.

I'll also say that liberals care about this shit. Conservatives don't. If liberals weren't looking to fight with anything they could defeat, they still wouldn't do anything.

goobster  ·  343 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I'm with ya, man.

But I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Women in power positions also abuse their power. (See: the entire fashion industry, for example.)

It's weird. I'm in two conversations on Hubski right now that both have the same problem:

1. They focus on the SYMPTOM

2. They deny the existence of the actual problem.

In both the Guns Issue and the Abuse of Power issue, the gun and the abuser are only the most visible symptom of the actual underlying problem. In guns, it is The Problem of the Angry White Man, and in Power it is the problem of Power Conferring Immunity.

Sexist men in power?!? That is SHOCKING! Shocking, I say!

Powerless angry white men exert their power via guns, while powerful old and ugly men force pretty women to have sex with them to get ahead.

Hm. I'm seeing a pattern here...

tacocat  ·  343 days ago  ·  link  ·  

It's false equivalency to bring up women in power. They're not as numerous so it's not such an entrenched problem. The issue is men in power abusing it and the reasons that make it difficult to come forward and the culture that you said needs to change. People in power will always abuse power. I've seen people with tiny little bits of power over inconsequential things get all self important and abuse something that's meaningless to most everyone. It confuses the issue when people look for exceptions to an issue that isn't related to the issue but seems so. The issue is sexual harassment by men in power being pervasive in Hollywood and really the world as a whole. Yes, women can do similar things but it's not so common as to become a talking point in a discussion about men jerking off in front of women only because they can.

goobster  ·  340 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Agreed. Fully.

tacocat  ·  343 days ago  ·  link  ·  
This comment has been deleted.
tacocat  ·  367 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: October 18, 2017

Thank you. I don't know how I'm doing it

tacocat  ·  434 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: August 2, 2017

Alive and well. I got a job at a veterinarian. I get some money for playing with dogs. And scooping poop. It doesn't pay enough to support me at all even at 40 hours. It's called a "recovery job" by some. But my girlfriend still loves/supports /trusts me. For some reason... Would not blame her for leaving at all.

I love her so much. 😥

Also I now use emojis because of her. Meh. 😐

tacocat  ·  471 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: July 5th, 2017

Got this for a quarter today:

rd95 #churchsale

user-inactivated  ·  470 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Fucking love it. How goes the hunt for an antique desk?

tacocat  ·  470 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I'm more of a forager than a hunter. I don't go to these things looking for anything and if I do I get frustrated. I bought a vintage stapler Tuesday. Why? I don't need a stapler. But it was fucking awesome and it was like a dollar. There's one on eBay for $40.

My girlfriend doesn't understand the thrill of the bargain hunt. I told her we're going to have to meet in the middle on price shopping.

user-inactivated  ·  470 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Man, I'm right there with you, I'm all about foraging and bargain hunting for so many reasons. You'll never second guess yourself about worrying whether or not you've been swindled, you can easily give away the stuff you get as gifts without much worry because you know you can always get more and not spend an arm and a leg, and you don't have to worry too much about something getting lost, broken, stolen, etc. (though you should still do your best to take the utmost care of it, obviously).

You should tell your girl there's so much to be said about bargain hunting. Check out that link at the top. All of that was gotten for less than $40. Literally the most expensive thing was the ceramic insulator. In the comments, Dala posted some cool stuff we saw but didn't want and I don't think a single one of those items broke $60. One time, when we were garage hunting, we came home with two whole boxes worth of hubcaps for like $10. It was a steal. I haven't seen those things in years though, I wonder if we still have them . . .

I've been drawing a lot. Nothing special. I've pretty much started sticking to Sharpie Markers on 5.5x8.5 or 4.25x5.5 cardstock and my best probably doesn't even stand a chance against your worse, but I'm having a lot of fun. Have you made anything recently yourself? I'd love to see it.

tacocat  ·  470 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I've been pretty busy.

user-inactivated  ·  469 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Dude. Love them. Especially the elephant and the "time heals" clock.

tacocat  ·  514 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: May 24, 2017

Thanks. I try not to tell anyone I care about about urges because it's not a big deal and I don't want them to worry.

But in the interest of hubski as a place to learn I'll explain the urges I get to people who will never be addicts. Being tired is apparently a trigger. When I got off work and was tired I'd drink a lot. As I am wont to do. Counterproductively because I would stay up later to drink more. I was kinda surprised by that but there are different layers to addiction. Like the physical act of putting liquid in my face is something I still do obsessively whether it's water or coffee or Dr Pepper, I'm just Pavlov style conditioned to drink stuff.

I'll just drive by a gas station and the the pre action thought of turning into the lot will strike me for no reason other than for years I'd drive by gas stations and stop to buy beer. No desire to actually drink just subconsciously, "Hey look. That thing with the stuff you need. Better stop." but without words just a quick feeling that I should stop.

I went to a bar which I'm not supposed to do. But it's an awesome bar

https://www.sisterlouisaschurch.com

and my girlfriend was in town and I wanted her to see it. No desire to drink. But we were trying to leave, I was trying harder, she was finishing her drink, and I instinctually wanted to just down her drink in one swallow so we could go. Which is rude and a dick way to get us out the door. But that was my impulse to get us to leave. To get my way really.

And we were at a restaurant for my brother's birthday and she didn't finish a gin. So gin has the magical ability to make me vomit immediately in a way rubbing alcohol probably couldn't. But as soon as she turned her back to get up I instinctually thought to finish her drink. Didn't want to. Know even in active addiction that gin is useless to me. Still had the thought for no rational reason other than it's what I done did for years, finish other people's drinks given the opportunity.

Her drinking is a whole other story. It doesn't trigger me but she's a cheap date who can't hold her booze. She'd die if she tried to keep up with me. But don't even want to really go into it. It's a thing. Things can be good and bad depending on context.

tacocat  ·  599 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Still homeless. But I just had one the greatest days of my life

I woke her up crying this morning because I was excited to tell hubski what happened. For some reason I really wanted to hear from you specifically. I don't know why. No offense to everyone else

lil  ·  598 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I've been broken. I've been healed by the transformative power of love, the possibility of hope even in a dark time.

Another thing that strikes me about your story is the sudden transition from darkness to possibility. That's how it happens. One minute you're on a bridge: the next you're finding a sense of Oneness with another sentient being.

Finally all through your journey, the highs and the lows, you've understood this: Stories happen to those who can tell them. I always felt that even during your saddest times, you had a sense of the narrative possibilities, so you crafted a story out of the darkness and shared it with us out here in the Hubskiverse. Sharing it helps you carry it a little more lightly.

tacocat  ·  598 days ago  ·  link  ·  

tacocat  ·  599 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Still homeless. But I just had one the greatest days of my life

I know. I think I just forgot what it meant to be happy. Every other time I tried to quit it was because I got sick. But now it's like there's something to look forward to instead of just trying to avoid physical discomfort. I've never felt more confident that I can get better. And I've tried enough times now to know that might even be dangerous. Still I really truly want it now

kleinbl00  ·  599 days ago  ·  link  ·  

You're young. The abuses you've heaped upon yourself can't compete with the havoc Father Time can wreak.

Only guy I know who died in detox was in his late 50s. You'll be fine.

tacocat  ·  725 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: So long hubski

I'm still here. I didn't want to check the replies here for a long time because I thought they'd be excoriating. This is the best community on the Internet. Even _refugee_ who I blocked a long time ago. No, cgod, I'm not free in a philosophical sense but I need to be free in a literal sense to make mistakes or drink coffee on my own schedule. I'll keep you updated as I can. You're a beautiful bunch of people and I love you

bfv  ·  724 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I was just sharing and keeping quiet because I'm like the least eloquent hubskier, but know that I'm not that long a long drive from anywhere in Georgia if you need anything.

francopoli  ·  724 days ago  ·  link  ·  

When you get your shit together, and you will Chris, come on back and we will be here.

tacocat  ·  824 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Really the only piece of art I've done for myself in years

Pretend it's a page from something else

tacocat  ·  826 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: PsBattle #1: Entry Thread

Photoshopped namesake to save the day!

user-inactivated  ·  858 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Did you make these? If so, you have skillz. You read that right. With a "z." You're that hardcore.

tacocat  ·  858 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Thanks.

I made them. Except the last one. I just thought it was funny.

user-inactivated  ·  858 days ago  ·  link  ·  

If Hubski ever had photoshop battles, you'd probably be a top contender.

jadedog  ·  858 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Yes, please. I hope that a photoshop battle happens here. I couldn't participate because I don't even have photoshop, but I love to see those. :)

kantos  ·  858 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I wouldn't mind having a little fun with Ps Battles here occasionally. Agreed, they're fun to watch with or without participation.

Only other person I can think of off the bat is kingmudsy, re: having photoshop.

kingmudsy  ·  858 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I would definitely participate if someone were willing to host! I'm not the best, but it could be a fun way to pick up a new technique :)

lil  ·  858 days ago  ·  link  ·  

The first pic is a little icky - but if I see the tacocat as a superhero flying in its mighty tacoship meowing, "here I come to save the day" and not as an edible animal product, I'll be okay. Mostly.

tacocat  ·  858 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Who could eat one of God's most perfect creations?

tacocat  ·  864 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: June 8, 2016

Have a Wednesday morning weiner dog