I turned 40 a week and a half ago doing 23-1 isolation in county jail

Hey guys. You might remember me

I spent a little while yesterday thinking about what I might say for pubski. I'm up shit creek. But I found out a little while ago I might get evicted which is a lot worse. Wrench in the spanner. Odds and bobs. Snakes and ladders. Timey whiney flim flams and crisps

I live in Georgia. Just went on a British riff

Digital Pinkertons.

This is fine

This whole post reminded me of a restaurant in Athens that served Cuban sandwiches with sliced hot dogs on them. Sherman didn't go far enough

If you're stupid enough to think George Soros is orchestrating school shootings you're probably stupid enough to think Obama checks his mail like a regular dude

Anyone who thinks that joke doesn't deserve a badge can meet me in the parking lot

Know what else is fucked up? Being hungry and working around food you can't eat because you'll lose your job for stealing food that would otherwise be thrown away at your restaurant job

lil sent me a shirt. It fits quite comfortably. I guess that means I'm built smaller than a 14 year old boy. Ain't even mad

Monday and Tuesday I was looking forward to a nice pubski vent session. I don't know that I've exactly said what I've been through since March 25. Housing insecurity/homelessness. Again. For the most part today I've been my usual smartass self as I have been since March 25. I'm too beat to vent.

I do have a place now. Forty some days after I mentioned it in another pubski. And I'm technically still homeless because it's a tempo government housing program. The legal definition of homelessness is seriously fucked. I'll elaborate when I'm not so beat to shit

Things really aren't any better now. I do have an address so I can look for a job. There are a few improvements.

And tomorrow will be once more unto the breach. I'm so tired. But I know it will get better and I can use the experience to help others. Cause I have a srrident sense of morality and I'm pissed the fuck off that people are treated this way and will hopefully channel that into some justified righteous outrage one day

I know, this seems like useless pedantry

It doesn't seem like it. It is

I just wanna post this picture of Cohen looking like a sleazy lawyer character from a movie

I assumed this was going to be David Brooks asking why poor people don't just stop being poor

Wanting to go outside is totally not a reason to delete your account

In terms of final product I get the point of the article. But for me figure drawing class was entirely non sexual. Certain not very bright people can't understand that but it's necessary to understanding anatomy.

I just dealt with a holy shitstorm involving a serial sexual predator who was working as an artistic photographer of naked ladies. So my class is a lot different than a private figure model and a male artist. My comment is maybe not entirely relevant as a result but I just wanted to explain my experience with nude women walking around a government funded building

Because reasons I tracked this down yesterday and turns out this post is exactly one year old today:

I just spent too much effort on a weird garden path rant after learning what incel is. Anyway. I should have posted about this first.

I maybe am more open with you strangers than most would be given my problems. I was gone last week. My step dad sent me to the crisis unit because I showed up drunk to his house. He lost his shit when I came back after discharge to get my car and said some very hurtful things I'd rather not think about right now.

That link is to a telling of my life up to that point when I was very hopeful. It's a half hour long. And long story short, everything that was giving my hope at that time fell apart spectacularly in a way that I didn't think I could recover from or survive.

But here I am. Technically but not legally homeless because the definition is ridiculous here. Grinding it. Selling free used books. Writing. Avoiding trespassing charges by buying things I can't afford or parking where it's unlikely a cop will find me asleep at 2AM. Accepting charity from my mother and ignoring the guilt. Being frighteningly energetic after 29 hours being awake out of necessity, fear and bipolar mania. Motivating myself for a time to spite people by succeeding but knowing that isn't sustainable. And not really complaining because I was raised not to. And maintaining my political progressive optimism that people are good, government can work, wanting to make a career of that and not being bitter despite all the justifiable reasons I could be. A little bitter about some things. Fuck certain people for good reasons.

As soon as today I will have an apartment through the local mental health agency that's been helping me. I got kicked out of sober living a month ago but that means I can be friends with the owner who is younger than me and a great guy and I'm slowly meeting other sober people who are good people.

I'm pretty OK.

_____

Little aside: people younger than I, don't follow your heart. I think people still say that but the world has changed in only 20 years and young people are maybe a little more pragmatic today. I was always somewhat aware of the underlying, unspoken unhappiness in my family. I was the oldest. I was the test case and I remember more of an early, unhealthy marriage with inexperienced parents.

After high school I semi consciously decided I wanted to be happy, that money was unimportant despite living towards the lower and of middle class when I was a kid. I majored in art, dropped out of school for a girl in another state who dumped me right away. I lost a full scholarship and a great internship. I re enrolled in college and chose an even less practical art major.

That's just 17-20 year old decision making of a person who wanted to be happy but had no idea how to do it. I've been arrested four times. I've tried to sleep on the grass in February. I have never had anything close to a career. A lot of that is entirely my fault. Some is unfortunate circumstance and the hand I was dealt. Some of my role is being naive which I suppose is excusable.

The median age of hubski is pretty high. I don't know who I'm directing this at. But if you follow your heart and try to do what you love, love what you do and get paid or whatever platitude I bought into at one point. It's going to be hard, risky, you might fail, you might end up with the opposite of what you want and you might end up places you didn't expect and maybe weren't supposed to go.

I suppose at the moment I am content with a suitcase in an airbnb, a computer that's too old for what I will end up paying for it and almost everything I own jammed in a closet for a while. I have some people who seem to care about me who I didn't know eight months ago. Contentment is a goal perfectly attuned to reality and happiness is just something you get occasionally when you're lucky.

More. I usually play semantic games around the disease issue. I think it's better to treat it medically than as a moral failing which is what it once was. But I've also seen plenty of people who lean on the disease concept as an excuse for everything. I'm sorry. No. You don't have the disease of being an asshole.

AA is a cult. It's a fucking nightmare. And almost all rehabs are 12 step based. How the fuck is this shit in a "medical facility"?

When I get my shit back together I'm going back to writing about this horseshit. It fucking kills people to send them to a cult that can and will tell them to go back out and use if they aren't convinced they need help. The one line about people in recovery with no training being in charge really connected with me.

If your kid might OD any day you deserve to know what to expect when you send them to 12 step rehab. I'm going to try to write that.

I am fucking livid about this shit

1984 wasn't a fucking instruction manual!

I actually can imagine. I don't like it

My ex was not yet officially divorced from her husband when we started. It wasn't all skeezy and cheating.

I mentioned Facebook leaving a record that she might not need. And she went apeshit.

Months later it was more like "Oh shit. Facebook! You could get me in trouble!"

She's an odd bird

This is not a good or valuable comment. I'm just salty and wanted to vent

Best Cops episode ever