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humanodon  ·  63 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: September 12, 2018

Nuts. I liked chatting with cgod (though infrequently), particularly about music. Really great taste in music, in my opinion. Turned me on to a whole lot of great stuff.

humanodon  ·  114 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: July 25, 2018

I defended my thesis. I am told by my committee that they're willing to work with me to get it to publishable standard and that they are interested in supporting my development of a theoretical framework. According to them, I've done 80% of a possible dissertation, with another subsection of my thesis showing promise for the development of a separate paper.

I'm still broke though.

humanodon  ·  132 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: I am 2000 days old

Oh, I thought you were going to bust out into that song from Rent

blackbootz  ·  132 days ago  ·  link  ·  

and 600 miiiinutes

humanodon  ·  136 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: June 27, 2018

Things are chugging along. Looking for a new job, trying to tie up loose ends; adult life maintenance shit-- you know how it goes.

Well, I don't blame you for feeling guilty for not suffering. That's kind of a weird space to be in. But hey, lucky you for finding this other person, I hope it works out.

Cumol  ·  136 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Thank you. I wish you all the good, in that long and strange life... :)

humanodon  ·  137 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: June 27, 2018

It's like some movie from the early 2000's. Cue contemplative piano music!

humanodon  ·  137 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: June 27, 2018

Hey man, how are things at the moment for you?

Cumol  ·  136 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I am doing good. I guess.

Focusing on work. The next few weeks will be action-packed with a conference and burn later this month.

It might sound weird but I am falling in love, really hard. On one side I am feeling guilty that I am not "suffering" and that I am not sad like my ex. But on the other I am happy to have met such a wonderful person.

Sarah decided to cut all communications yesterday, and I can understand her. It makes me sad though...

How are you doing?

humanodon  ·  136 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Things are chugging along. Looking for a new job, trying to tie up loose ends; adult life maintenance shit-- you know how it goes.

Well, I don't blame you for feeling guilty for not suffering. That's kind of a weird space to be in. But hey, lucky you for finding this other person, I hope it works out.

Cumol  ·  136 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Thank you. I wish you all the good, in that long and strange life... :)

humanodon  ·  188 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Paralyzed.

Hey there,

I understand that this is a complicated situation. I won't pretend to understand all of what you're going through, but I will say that I've confronted the question of abortion. Unfortunately, more than once. All I can say is, each time I made it very clear that if she were to have the child that I would do my best to be the father that the child deserves. On the other hand, on each occasion I also made it very clear that I was nowhere near the man that I needed to be in order to be that father. I think that those conversations were well-received because I didn't put the focus on myself or my well-being, but on the future that the child might have. To be honest, I still wonder sometimes how my life might look if things had been different. Either way, I know that each time the woman was agonizing as much as I was and I think that in sharing my worries and by hearing what she had to say that we were able to find a way forward that worked for us. I think that in the end, the best that you can do for yourself is to do the best that you can by her. Life is long and weird, and strange. There are plenty of questions that we can't know the answer to until much later. As you're only human, be as human as you can. Maybe there will be opportunities for better outcomes as the situation emerges, but that's only possible if you're able to engage in the situation together. I don't mean that you should stay together, just that the lines of communication stay open. Anyway, I wish you the best man, that's a rough road ahead.

humanodon  ·  240 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: March 21, 2018

Well . . . dating sucks balls but . . . there's worse things in the world than spending a bit of time with a kind, patient, talented person. Have you checked in to see how she's feeling about things? That might clarify or affirm things that you're noticing about your own reactions (or non-reactions).

humanodon  ·  247 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: March 14, 2018

This is great!

humanodon  ·  249 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Reddit and the Struggle to Detoxify the Internet

No one has asked me to board a handbasket just yet, but maybe I'll get an early check-in email closer to the date . . .

humanodon  ·  252 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Ask Hubski: How do you guys work to avoid engaging in gossip at work?

"Spiders in space". I dig that It really captures my feelings on what to do with this degree at the moment, but I guess that's something that happens when finishing a degree. Actually, I think that's a problem endemic to linking the literatures of various disciplines. Anyway, while it is a bit exciting that there's so many new social dynamics emerging, the question of how to study these things and then what to do about/with them is a bit daunting too.

kleinbl00  ·  251 days ago  ·  link  ·  

If I were you? I'd read me a bunch of Sherry Turkle. I got a lot out of the four books I've read and I'm an amateur.

humanodon  ·  254 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Ask Hubski: How do you guys work to avoid engaging in gossip at work?

I’m inclined to be open to this line of thinking. I wonder if you’ve run into Bourdieu and his theory of social capital. I’m tending toward the idea that maybe one explanation of current nation-wide social dynamics could be that with neoliberalism there is hyperfinancialization, or a focus on economic exchange over social exchange, due to the decentralization of relationships in production chains that bleeds over into communities. Basically, people have underdeveloped social skills leading to a focus on politeness over depth of exchange, manifesting in White Fragility/SJW-type intolerance of anything but PC orthodoxy. I know that contains a bunch of logical leaps, and sketchy ideas, but anyway, social capital makes me wonder if our frames of different types of exchange in American society are linked in ways that aren’t so obvious.

kleinbl00  ·  253 days ago  ·  link  ·  

This stuff is squarely not my wheelhouse but the minute you talk "internet" and "socialization" you get a whole big bunch of people saying all sortsa stuff. I made it halfway through Bowling Alone before recognizing that an 18-year-old book that hasn't so much as been revised to address, oh, I dunno, September 11 or Facebook might not be fully applicable to our modern situation.

The constellation of reading I have done leads me to support the following:

- Income inequality is socially striating and income inequality is increasing. The rate of increase is increasing.

- In-person community involvement is plummeting.

- Social engagement now happens across channels that we have no basis of understanding for. There is nothing in our social makeup that prepares us for parsing MMS for subtext. The signaling qualities of Snapchat are not homogenized. If you gave a chicken peacock feathers it would not know how to dance with them and we've whipsawed from email to IM to text to Facebook to Snapchat in the amount of time it's taken me to wear out a pair of boots.

We're spiders in space these days.

I mean, we can get the job done? But it ain't the way our parents did it and you give up on nuance when your whole environment has shifted.

I also know that when you're alone in your car everyone else is an asscamel but when you're sharing an elevator you don't make eye contact and the whole western world right now? They're alone in their car with a keyboard and an opinion.

humanodon  ·  252 days ago  ·  link  ·  

"Spiders in space". I dig that It really captures my feelings on what to do with this degree at the moment, but I guess that's something that happens when finishing a degree. Actually, I think that's a problem endemic to linking the literatures of various disciplines. Anyway, while it is a bit exciting that there's so many new social dynamics emerging, the question of how to study these things and then what to do about/with them is a bit daunting too.

kleinbl00  ·  251 days ago  ·  link  ·  

If I were you? I'd read me a bunch of Sherry Turkle. I got a lot out of the four books I've read and I'm an amateur.

humanodon  ·  254 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Ask Hubski: How do you guys work to avoid engaging in gossip at work?

Somehow, I don’t think this would make it as a #meToo . . .

b_b  ·  254 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Haha. Yeah, I think you have to give a fuck before you count.

humanodon  ·  256 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Ask Hubski: How do you guys work to avoid engaging in gossip at work?

1) I study conflict resolution with a focus on organizational conflict

2) I gossip like a motherfucker

Personally, I take these things to be indicators and try to take a qualitative research tack. What nodes keep popping up? If everyone says Carol is a bitch, what's up with that? As for shame, what's going on there? Maybe digging into those feelings through something like writing out your thoughts (by which I mean, writing without self-judgement in an effort to map feelings, tensions, and potential inciting incidents) might be helpful.

I don't know your situation, particularly as some of the information is apparently sensitive, but I am curious about the role of leadership within your organization. What kind of leadership exists? Are there underlying sources that result in gossip? Can you talk to anyone in the leadership about this? What avenues exist for you to try to address this issue of morale?

Often, with top-down leadership, there is a great deal of power distance, resulting in a lack of employee buy-in, inclusion, and belonging. In organizations where power-distance is minimized and employees tend to have a lot of trust from their leadership, we see a lot of decision-making ability and thus, empowerment. When people have this ability, creating employee/"follower"-based solutions is often an option, which tends to improve morale.

In my view, gossip tends to occur when people don't have outlets that are sanctioned as legitimate for grievance within organizations. Often, this results in employee turnover, a lack of trust, and overall, greater expenditures in training and ineffectual interventions, such as diversity and inclusion programs rooted in compliance to Title VII and affirmative action, as opposed to employee empowerment. We also see litigation more often in these types of environment.

In short, avoidance of gossip or conflict tends to have adverse effects. However, engaging in conversations to address morale can also have adverse effects for employees as organizations are inherently conservative and interested in avoiding litigation and so may be prone to retaliation or attempting to sweep things under the rug. Of course, my advice would be to seek the help of a professional; a facilitator, a mediator, or someone who can help with conflict, but then, I have an interest in promoting the industry I'm hoping to be employed in. The one thing I can tell you, is that there is no need to be ashamed for feeling like things can be better, or for regretting a contribution to negative dynamics. It sounds like you have a clear idea of what the problems could be and that there might be a real need to address them. Who can be engaged to work this out?

user-inactivated  ·  255 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Thank you so much for the input and sorry for the late response. I fell asleep pretty much right after posting this.

The questions about leadership and avenue kind of illustrate a core problem we're having. If we were to break down authority into levels, I'd be level one, at the bottom. Right now, the person at level two is in charge. The positions for level three and four are currently unfilled and are the core levels for direction, execution, management, etc. The person in level five, the highest person I ever interact with in the company (and even then only briefly because they are so above my pay grade there's not much point in interactions between us), is there, but basically a ghost. I literally haven't seen them in months as we've not had a visit from them, which is not normal but also not abnormal as they have a lot of responsibilities above what we do.

Whether or not this is the reality of the situation, I personally feel like there are so many gaps in the company at this point, and the corporate environment is in such a way, that there is no one with the authority, knowledge, or resources to address this.

My personal goal, if I'm being completely honest, is that I'm trying to get a different job and get out with my ass intact and the gossip is putting an additional stressor on me.