I went on a reprieve for a while, which is why I wasn't online at all. I'm not doing this without my fiancee again.

Next week marks a year of us being together.

We have decided on a boat wedding.

It is lovely.

I have taken a break from everything and the massive overhaul wasn't easy. I have also taken it upon myself to quit smoking all together for 2 weeks. I have since backtracked, but at least I know I can now do it.

I am hoping to attend one class before the year ends.

I know what I want to do. It's nice.

I've managed to actually make computer books interesting again. I've managed to make the last medication I was on an allergy for me.

It's mindblowing. I've never felt this compassionate towards my partner before.

I would tell people.... you know that feeling when you love someone, but don't like them?

There was a reason I didn't like myself to the point of wanting to burn out, only less than 2 years ago.

Sure, I had an ego. Loved myself so much in a way that only the sympathetic ear and loving touch of a creator can understand. Many people told me to write a book.

But I had wanted to fundamentally fix myself before making something for others to consume again.

I used to get a lot of scathing accounts from others in the past. I would hear a lot worse before my life started over. Using people- especially in relationships- why, that is probably why I disliked myself. It actually took a lot of visits to the hospital, lots of therapy, and lots of drugs for comprehension to set back shop.

I lost a lot in it due to grief.

That being said, I consider myself a different person today. The woman my fiancee knows of today is a much kinder, genuine soul. I'm lucky to have learned how serious my addictions truly changed me over the years. I am lucky to have had the ability to record and perform, regardless of how anyone else has felt about it. Above all else, I am glad that the idea of ego being a privilege and something to be cultivated, carefully, is what I needed to focus on before going on to the next chapter of my life.

For now, I say Happy Holiday seasonal tidings!

I will be quite busy over the next couple of weeks, but I thought to check in.

Thank you all for being here and always being a nice part of the internet (y'all are on my homepage.)

I am living in a hotel for a couple months.

I am recording.

As of right now, I am planning to release CDs next year.

Those that know me, get them free.

So. I am recording separate material just for the fun of it.

I'm enjoying my life.

Thanks for listening:)

I tried fasting for 72 hours and ended up eating a cheeseburger.

Today is the start of Lent for those religious folks, so I am going to try changing my diet during this time and seeing if I can make it stick.

I didn't think it was possible to fall more in love, but it happens as the days go by. I'm worried about travelling without him and both of us doing our thing. But... I have nothing more to say. I don't even know what advice I need. Is this what being an adult feels like?

I have no idea of what anything means anymore, my anxiety is through the roof and reading and writing helps for now.