My headspace is ambiguous at best these past couple of weeks. Went on a nice, long (13.8 mile) run on Sunday but have been dealing with a hamstring issue for about a month now. Thinking about seeing a PT for this and a couple of other small, nagging issues. It's a constant journey and I'm always meeting a lot of interesting people through running. Starting to give back by volunteering at races, too, which is very rewarding but in a different way. Seeing people succeed or push themselves against themselves for 26.2 miles (or 13.1, or 3.1, etc.) is inspiring especially when you understand what they are feeling.
So, that's mostly good. Likely going to be joining the Board of Directors of a second Non-Profit in November(ish), this one will be running related. It's funny how once you maintain a residence and involvement in the community you start to see the same people in different organizations and capacities, and you start to be a name that pops up in rooms you're not in. The same thing is happening at work. All of these things are good.
There's a lot of emotional difficulties, though. I don't feel capable of having an intimate relationship at this stage of life. After the last breakup I went back to the whole online dating thing for about 3 weeks, deleted all of those accounts (not just disabled, to remove any temptation). I'm slowly trying to remove myself from the dating pool but honestly, it feels like I've been removed for a while now. My emotional availability is just not where it needs to be to be fair to another human being in a romantic capacity. It's nobodies fault, but it has become incredibly easy for me to strike up a conversation with somebody and hell maybe even be friends with them but anything beyond that is a massive struggle. Does anybody still get that kind of fluttering, nervous sensation when they meet somebody or are out on a date? I don't. I haven't in years.