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AshleyR's comments
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AshleyR  ·  3024 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: December 16, 2015

I don't know where to start. Lots of random thoughts going on in my head.

First: my dad is bugging me about staying too much in my room, having no friends or a SO. Again. This happens from time to time, I just ignore it. He just got retired and is still in the "what do I do now" phase. People are told they should work first then they can do whatever they want. You get so caught up wsith that, it becomes your life and once it's over, you are left with a huge nothingness of "what now?".

I felt like that a couple years ago, when I got out of college. What now? I got to the end of the mandatory educational path. My colleagues were like "oh, I'm going to get into a laser research program", "I'm going to get a master's degree in quantum mechanics" (I graduated in physics BTW) and so on.

What about me?

I said "I'm going to start a band". And have been pursuing that ever since.

The more I think about getting a job, or "a real job", the less I feel inclined to do so. Sure, money's an issue, and I've been teaching EFL for some time. My heart was never there, I couldn't serve two masters at the same time. Music is my main thing. Despite all the hurdles involved, I don't feel like giving up and conforming to what people want from me. To do that would be denying who I am.

Then I started a few businesses with not much success, a lot of resistance and some risks to my security.

I tried reaching out to the entrepreneurs in my area, but as I wrote before, since I got no social media profiles or Whatsapp, I don't exist here. In the end, after scouring the whole city, I found a local coworking space, met a guy who wanted to start an EFL school, he wanted me to work for him, I said no. Then I said "hey, since I'm spending so much energy on this, why don't I focus on my music career?"

What hurts the most is when I hear "you're wasting your potential, you're so intelligent, why don't you become an engineer or a doctor or a/an (insert high-paying job here)?".

Now, second point:

I'm feeling cut off from civilization. Not lonely. It feels like all the interesting things are happening away from me. We don't have many events here, I try to keep up with what's happening around here, but it's not much. All the cool things happen 200km from here. My goal is to move away from here, though money is the problem.

This is one of the reasons I signed up in Hubski. I feel I can type about it here. And yes, I want to be read/heard. I want to have a voice and I want people to receive my message. I feel I don't have much of a voice where I am.

Thankfully, there's the internet. I started a music review blog yesterday with the texts I had saved in my PC (took me 30 mins to come up with a name, thanks to my cat). I'm writing there as if no one was reading. It's my space. I don't plan on monetizing it or anything, just a space to share my texts at my own pace.

That's pretty much it.