by: humanodon

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Let me start out by saying,

eat shit, you self-righteous little hipster douchebag.

There, now we're no longer speaking in code.

Let me continue to point out that "bougie" is a word designed to be offensive. There are no positive connotations whatsoever. It is something people who want something call people who have something. There's more than a shade of sour grapes to it as well - someone has something more than me, therefore they must be culturally and intellectually bereft. I, on the other hand, am pure of heart and mind and do not spring for absurd luxuries like $400 bags. Therefore you can be disappointed that I find a patently offensive word offensive, but let's be clear about one thing: someone who calls someone else "faggot" is trying to offend them. Someone who calls someone else "douchebag" is trying to offend them. Someone who calls someone else "hipster" is trying to offend them. If I weren't offended by it I'd be autistic. If you're surprised that I am, maybe the autistic one is you.

I will add that never once did I tell you to buy a $400 bag. Never once did I insist that everyone have one. Never once did I insinuate that there is not a time and place for cheap things - I even pointed out that I buy cheap jeans and t-shirts. Yet you decided to come in and shit all over me for the choices I have made for myself. That's a dick move in any language, in any era, in any social circle. There is no way to place your statements in any but a denigrating, condescending, antagonistic context and fuck you, buddy. We can play all nicey-nicey and be friends or you can step up and I will tear you the fuck apart. You wanna take this negative I will drag it to depths you have not witnessed in your young life. You are outgunned, outclassed, out-educated, out-experienced and wholly out of your depth. The above was me bitch-slapping you for being a dick but if you wanna double down out of some self-righteous sense of self derived from your need to defend The Gap I'm right here to ruin your fucking weekend.

Finally, I don't know what fucking planet you're on but I was paying $500 a month in rural Washington to live with six roommates in 1995. My insurance was $350 a month back when I was your age. I bought a $200 backpack to go hiking with back when I was seventeen and making $6 an hour and I got a screamin' deal... and that was back when Reagan was president. I used that backpack when I went hiking (and, for six years, whenever I flew - it was the only luggage I had). So $400 for a bag? Get a grip, junior. Shit costs money in the world. I've got a $200 backpack for my motorcycle. I've got a $90 tank bag. And yeah - I bought my wife a $400 satchel for her laptop and medical charts and you know what? She uses it every goddamn day.

So when you imply that spending $400 on a bag puts me "out of touch" I hope you realize how completely out to lunch you are. I dated a girl back in the '90s with a wallet that cost more than that.

Now - go play your $400 XBOX360 or your $300 PS3 with your $70 Grand Theft Auto on your $300 flatscreen while surfing the web on your $800 laptop and get the fuck off my lawn. Median rent where I live is over $1400 a month and I'm all out of time to spend on some fuckwit who lives with his mom who thinks I'm out of touch.

You couldn't though. Handcrafted counts. Thoughtful design counts. Ease of use counts. Durability counts.

I had to look up "bougie." It appears to be what people with little cultural understanding would call "bourgeois" if only they could spell it. So I ask you, ye who pretends to the proletariat:

which is better - a $50 bag that you hate that you buy eight times, or a $400 bag that you love that you buy once?

I can tell you which one doesn't go to the landfill seven times. I can also tell you which one isn't made in a sweatshop for thirteen cents an hour. I can tell you which one provides jobs for people in your neighborhood who speak your language and which one is crafted by people who like to craft things.

If that's bourgeois, sign me up. And go make me a latte while you're at it, prole.