Found the light switch this week, and turned myself back on. Feels good.
At my routine cleaning last Thursday, the doc took an xray of #14 and said, "That don't look right. Go talk to this Endodontist". So I did.
Endo said, "Wow. You have a helluva infection there, my friend. Looks like that root canal (from >10 years ago) wasn't done properly, and the bone in your jaw has receded massively around #14. I don't understand why it doesn't hurt more. We need to either do another root canal to get the missing root out ($2k), or pull the tooth entirely and put in a fake one ($6k). Lemme know what you want to do."
I took the weekend to think, and got the root canal yesterday. Painless. Easy. No sweat. They found I had a 'hidden' 4th root on a tooth that should only have 3, and they cleaned it out. I watched two episodes of the Great British Baking Show while they worked. We will know in 6 months to a year if the bone is going to regrow or if an implant is in my future.
I've bitten off a LOT and am having a hard time chewing. Switched from GarageBand (>15 years) to Logic Pro, and the learning curve is steep. I am learning how synthesizers work in software (first with flac and now doing Syntorial), which is mind-blowingly good) and learning how to play piano again (with Melodics) while trying to figure out my two synths, the Novation Bass Station II which is half knobs and half software and half keyboard, and my Warfield Blofeld Desktop which is all software and few knobs and no keyboard, all while applying what I have learned in Syntorial to the built-in software synths in Logic, and being unsure how those things apply to the Bass Station and the Blofeld...
But to connect all this equipment together properly I went from "the dumb guitar player's audio input", aka a Focusrite Scarlett Solo to a Scarlett 4i4... which turns out to be an enormously configurable and capable input, mixer, and MIDI device, that is confusing to set up when you don't have a fucking clue what yer doing.
But while convalescing yesterday from my root canal (took the day off work) I made a BIG breakthrough with my understanding of routing cables, and what device should speak to what and via what type of cable/protocol, and I MADE SOME COOL MUSIC that wasn't accidental!
Well, got on the exercise bike for 30 minutes, which I used to do every day at noon because the downstairs where I have my home office gets cold, and if I take a break at noon and exercise for a bit, I am warm for the rest of the afternoon. And I hadn't done that in ... a while. Felt good to work up a sweat and something other than a resting heart rate.
Talked to my wife.
We discussed the dark space I have been in for the last week or so, and how I was feeling, and that I have broken through... it was the tooth, the frustration with largely failing to learn new things I wanted to learn, and some work pressures I was trying to get finished before my tooth went completely to hell on me. It's amazing what having a loving partner is like... you can just talk about your weaknesses and feelings and it only deepens your connection.
And I watched Blade Runner 2049 again, and ... I love this movie so much. Definitely want to spend the Christmas holiday pretending to be Solar Fields' writing the "Mirror's Edge" soundtrack, but with 2049 and Fury Road as my inspiration...
Feels good to be back on track.