Hey, I've swam the Rio Grande before. It's not a large river at all, unless flash flooding. Maybe during snowmelt season? And it's still the defining feature of the region. Largest watershed. It really just doesn't rain/snow much within that area.

Come to think about it, I don't know of a central TX "lake" that I've been to that wasn't a dammed up river. "River" being a generous word, in many cases.

assholes who can't drive

I think the first time I had a sense of just how bad it is here was when I drove a rental car all around Denver and Boulder. It was about 20 minutes before I realized that the strange feeling I was having was bewilderment at the fact that no one had tried to kill me with a car yet. People were using turn signals, doing "zippering" merges, and driving at the speed limit or five mph over. I wanted to start blowing kisses to everyone, but I had to drive.

My wife and I made decisions on where to live to minimize or eliminate our commuting in cars. Her 2012 only has ~45k miles on it, which is almost unheard of in Texas. I'm privileged to be able to mostly avoid aspiring manslaughterers. But I did do a lap around the city on the freeways the other day. Gotta stay sane.

LA drivers are just as bad, right?

can't ski

Can't 'ski?? Come at me! There are.. two or three of us Texans on here!!

can't ski

OH, oh, can't SKI. I can, but I was spoiled enough to drive or fly to ski resorts almost every year growing up. Snowboarding is more fun, though, to me.

think "queso" is food

It's not food?? Come at me! Wait, no, already said that. Umm, I mean we dip our chips in it as a Tex-mex appetizer sometimes. Personally, I think queso is melted cheese, which, some say, is one of the most important commodities in an economic landscape like the one.. like any economic landscape. " 'Latas" was one of my first "words", short for "cheese enchiladas".

two million dirt-poor brown people

Do you mean, like the kind my mom wants to keep on the other side of a border wall? While she may or may not under-the-table, simultaneously employ a migrant housekeeper for half a day every couple weeks? ...Do you know why Lucille Bluth legit gives me the creeps??

Most rural-to-suburban Texan whitefolk are straight up ignorant. People I grew up with who never left town, or went and got a degree and came right back, they're usually carbon copies of their parents, for better or worse. Usually worse. Yeah, I know, this isn't a Texas thing. It's a thing thing.