I JUST read this. I think the hubski notifications system might have failed me, but whatever.

Here we are, over two years later, and I'd bet that you're probably going to develop your first wrinkles wherever your face forms trenches when you grimmace. I don't think I can understate how much I respect that, given your circumstances. My childhood was a fantasy of metaphorical lollipops, Jesus, suburbia, Boy Scouts, and extreme familial stability. I'm made from a much less resilient mold, I daresay.

Before 750 days ago, I knew you weren't some "kid". Ageism is real, but I won't tolerate it on my watch. Genuinely sorry to say, but you're nowhere near done in dealing with it, especially in regards to your chosen career path. If anything, I think it's generally going to get worse within the next couple/few years before you can point to the publishing record and say "don't fuck with me". You'll get there sooner than you think, so don't sweat it too much. Actually, I hope I'm wrong about this and you've already transcended that milestone, but the perception of your current age would be an uphill battle for even a modern day Einstein. Not that you're not interning as a patent clerk this summer ;).

And, surprise, there is literally nothing that I can confidently tell you regarding any search for meaning, under any formulation of anything. Ever. I'm right there with you, professionally trapped in the mathematically rigorous approach, since religion proved to be a dead horse for me over a decade ago, and I have essentially no confidence that either have provided spiritual solutions that believers didn't delude themselves into believing when it was personally convenient. Life ultimately does seem to be simply how or what we interpret or make of it. The parameter space is STUPIDLY big. But to me, there's clearly no karma, no universal justice, no obvious underlying order. Still, that doesn't mean that it's terribly difficult to have fun at no one else's expense, get payed, and progress as a person all at the same time. We all have bad days, or weeks, or months. No big deal.

I'm sincerely happy that you're still outputting both CO2 and trouble wherever you want to. Keep doing that. There are so many people on this planet that I wish I could say the same for.