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kantos  ·  139 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: August 1,2018

Jack and coke.

This has been a week, and it's not over.

My grandmother passed this past weekend. She was the last surviving grandparent of mine that I was old enough to get to know other than a face and distant memories. It wasn't unexpected given her age, though it sure as hell wasn't expected all the same. For someone nearing in their 90s, she had exceptional presence of mind and a force of will that outlived what her body could offer.

I'm upset. I had a selfish notion in my head that she would at least be there for my graduation at the end of the year. As if she would be there to see me walk for both her and her late husband, who were the biggest part in my ability to go to college in the first place. Above all this, I'm going to miss talking with her about growing up and laughing with her on how things have changed. I'd be lying if I wrote I wasn't expecting at least one more heart-to-heart with her either. When she connected with her grandchildren in-person (she never really was much for phone calls), despite being cognizant, she would opt not to use words. She had this ability from time to time, to meet our eyes and let us know she understand the sentiment of wherever we were in conversation. It was also her way of showing us how much she cared and loved us. I miss her.

Now, my exam and moving living spaces are happening within 24 hours of me typing this. So, again, it's been a week and it ain't over. Needed a place to get some out before going balls deep and bawling in someone's arms after the move. So thanks for readin'.

This all aside, I have plans to go on Birthright after graduation and extend my stay indefinitely. I got family in Israel from both sides, so I'll have some reprieve if my activity has me dragging. I can also bring over some of my grandmother's stuffs they may want to keep within the family.