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Great job, man. I haven't been in a situation as extreme as yours, but I'm definitely familiar with addiction. Honestly, I never felt good about turning away until it all began to fade. In that mindset, the logical part of the brain knows what you're doing is right, but your thoughts become slightly obsessive and they cloud any feeling of triumph. All you feel is the regret. The best thing to do is separate yourself from your these thoughts (which is much easier said than done). It sounds dumb, but being/talking with people who support what you're trying to do is fantastic because the high from their praise is sometimes enough to replace the lack of triumph. Keep it up, dude. I'm wishing you all the best.