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Cedar  ·  3160 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: So what happened yesterday [TW]

This is my response to some of the comments I've received privately, I wanted to share them here so that anybody who might benefit from these answers could do so. Plus so anybody can correct me if I am giving out bad advice :).

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Losing momentum sucks, and I know it feels like once it's gone it's gone for good, but believe me it isn't. Just having written about my struggles yesterday has transformed today into a really beautiful day, I've not exactly gotten stuff done, but I have felt a lot better mentally and phsyically.

RE: Destroying my laptop. I have a history of destroying things, I've broken tablets, kindles, keyboards, monitors, and more. Even mundane things like throwing away a perfectly edible meal or deleting hours of work. This is potentially a symptom of Bipolar Disorder and I am going to be talking to my doctor about this, but honestly, I am addicted to devices so naturally when my mood switches and I enter a destructive phase, they are the closest thing to me.

The only advice I can offer here would be, consider alternatives that you could take before it gets to that destructive stage. I.e. walk away. There's nothing inherently about these things that makes them a target, so whatever is prompting the feeling to smash things is coming from within and so can be changed by yourself. For me, a good idea would have been to take a 10 minute break, allocate specific time slots for when I should be doing each activity and ensure that anything that is causing me stress is either removed or solved before engaging in something that requires my attention.

RE: Loss of identity. Sit down and try to think about what things identify you, focus on the positives. I consider myself a loser as I ahve no job, but then I've got two degrees. That's actually really amazing, but I never focus on it, I take it for granted. You relaly shouldn't do that to yourself, try and find something each day that you can say you are happy about. Try to create a kinder mind.

RE: Comparing situations. Never, ever, ever, compare your situation to somebody elses and think that your feeling must somehow be less valid or be embarrassed about even comparing them. There is always a side to somebody that you know nothing about, and especially on the internet the only view you see of someone is what they themselves present you. Comparisons can be made, as a tool, but avoid basing your self worth on your opinion of others, or worse, what you perceive their opinion of you is.

I am more than guilty of this in the past, it was one of the biggest factors that prevented me ever approaching my doctor in the first instance as "surely I didn't have a real problem. I'm not starving like the children of Africa, or dying from some disease or other, so what did I have to complain about, really?"

There is a load of labels that could apply to me, but why should any of them invalidate my feelings? It's difficult to let it go, I know that, but you kind of get this realisation that everybody is pretty much the same, we're all trying to work through shit and it doesn't matter where you come from, who you are or what you have; your feelings are valid and you as a person, matter.