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user-inactivated  ·  3072 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: How much of your identity are you hiding? How much of it do you display?

My relationships with clothing are complicated.

I'm a fan of black jeans and refuse to buy or wear any other kind since adolescence. I also have accumulated an amount of black t-shirts because they seem to fit me nicely: they're not pure black, which means they have some visual contrast and, therefore, perceived brightness, but they're black, which means they aren't as bright as any other color. Most of my shoes and outerwear are still dark-grey at most; the only bright-ish thing I wear on a daily basis from autumn to spring is a dark-beige cap.

At the same time, I have a few of what I consider very bright things which I enjoy wearing from time to time: a bright red hoodie with a t-shirt to match, and a pink-and-blue short-sleeve shirt. I used to wear them (or whatever bright I had at the time) when I wanted people to pay attention to me when I felt particularly lonely and needy; the fact that nobody payed to me the attention desired spiralled me further into need-induced depression.

Perhaps from those failed attempts at gathering fake interest I've learned that it matters not what I wear if I wear it to impress others. They don't give a shit, and neither they should. Clothes are just that; you're talking to the person within.

Now I wear bright stuff when I feel good. One might consider it an appearance diode which lights up when the proper energy flows to it. It's telling that I haven't worn the bright stuff in weeks and that I want to now. Surviving among people takes quite a bit, so maybe it will change once I return from the holiday.