Deepflows, I identify with a lot of what you are saying. I too struggle with depression. I too am angered by the way the logic of financial capitalism has invaded almost every facet of our lives. I don't have any answers; I'm struggling too.

I am, however, a good bit younger than you. I'm going to university myself, not because I have a passion for study, but because that's what I have to do to get a job that pays a living wage outside of the service sector. I've looked for paths; I took last year off to work, travel, do my own kind of studying. I dabbled with the hitchhiker/couchsurfer siubculture, which appears liberating from outside, but the rhythms of which I found deeply alienating. I've settled back into the safe path; two more years and I'll have a bachelor's degree in Political Science, or maybe History, or some other social science. Then...?

I don't know what next. The past of least resistance would seem to lead me to Washington D.C. to work in the non-profit sector. Maybe take on more debt to get a masters degree and try to make my way in the federal bureaucracy. My very Green sister-in-law visited last week; I joked maybe I'll end up as a lobbyist for Monsanto. I was only half joking. I don't see how to make a life for myself that is comfortable yet pure, in the sense we're talking about. And if I don't do it, if I don't become a lobbyist for Monsanto or work as a campaign consultant for a repulsive politician or write propaganda for the capitalist press, somebody will. By stepping aside, maybe I maintain some personal moral high ground. But what is that good for?