I see an awful lot of people choosing B. And if people do that, it doesn't matter what shape the conversation has. One side isn't listening, and so nothing will ever change.

There are two kinds of arguments. There are arguments to persuade the person being debated, and there are arguments to persuade the people witnessing the debate. To be effective, they must take very different approaches. To most effectively persuade someone, the message must be tailored to them. They have to be shown the other point of view and its strengths while avoiding making them feel like they're being attacked.

The race conversation has to be the first kind of argument. This isn't an election we're talking about, this is deeply social and deeply interpersonal. In the course of this conversation, it is simply unavoidable that people are going to feel attacked on all sides of the issue. When that happens, we have to display compassion and reframe our argument in a way that doesn't make them feel attacked. Otherwise, people take option B, and everyone loses.