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thenewgreen  ·  3401 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: A poem my friend wrote, I Will Marry This Girl If She Lets Me

There are things I really like about this poem and others I don't.

I like where it takes me from the middle to the end. I like the hallway, the ankles, the nail, the motorcycle.

For me, 911 in a poem is a bit heavy. It's such a loaded image. Also, the the zippo/lighter thing is just really played out. Been used a gazillion times as imagery. Might as well have mentioned his breathe like smoke in the cold night etc... -Ah, speaking of "cold night," I would omit the very last 3 words, "in the night." Let the poem end with "for dear life."

To summarize, I enjoyed the read but it could use some editing and less cliche in places. Glad I read it though, thank you for sharing.

Do 8 year olds really have rage?