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I need my significant other to have a life of their own. This means their own friends, recreational activities, and dreams. I would never want someone to dive into a relationship with me and sacrifice everything else they have going for them.
I work a seasonal job where I travel a LOT and so finding time with my girlfriend is difficult (especially since she works too). It would be amazing if we had more time together or were geographically closer but I really wouldn't change a thing. Some of my peers have girlfriends visit a lot or wives living with them who don't work or have their own social circles, but I just don't think I would be able to really love with someone who would sacrifice their entire life for me.
I'm with you, goo. I don't think reaching an end goal is success because to many people (myself included) an end goal doesn't exist. Sure, we are always pushing for a promotion or to make more meaningful relationships or enlighten ourselves in some way, but once to achieve that there always seems to be something else around the corner. To me, success is found when you can enjoy the process of striving towards your next goal. I consider myself most successful when I am not just wading through life looking forward to the weekend or something I have planned; I am successful when I can truly be content with my morning coffee and look forward to saying hi to coworkers and find joy even in a monotonous environment.
Thanks for sharing, I really enjoyed reading this article. I think your best point relating to the article is that other personality traits are better understood on a spectrum. When I took a fairly advanced personality psychology course a few years ago, we started the semester off covering the "big 5" personality traits (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Five_personality_traits). They are:
-Openness to experience
Basically, the principal we were taught is that a persons personality can be generally summed up as a combination of where they land on the spectrum on each of these traits. My professor stressed that there was no "better" or "worse" place to land on each of the scales, however some combinations create a disposition for specific psychological disorders.
For example, most people would see conscientiousness as a very desirable trait in today's society. Someone high on the conscientiousness scale might be labeled as a perfectionist, very organized and attentive to detail (all good things, right?). Unfortunately, if they also landed low on Neuroticism, meaning their emotions were inconsistent/unstable, they would have a high predisposition to Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
This is where the introverted stereotype comes in of the weird, antisocial basement dweller who never gets out of the house. It is not just where a person falls on the extaversion spectrum, but how that trait works hand in hand with other traits. Generally, those recluse-type people are low on agreeableness as well.
To sum it up, personality traits are never black or white; individuals are complex and to label them otherwise would be foolish.
For me, its the exchange of money that makes me lose respect for what she has chosen to do. By " she chooses how to explore and enjoy her sexuality regardless of the norm", i meant that I think a girl has taken ownership if she chooses to be a "slut"-sleeping around and doing what she wants for her own pleasure. I don't think we are fair in treating women who have had many sexual partners in comparison to guys who act the same way.
I agree with you on both points, "no better or worse" would have been better phrasing. As far as the stigmatization, our society would likely be healthier if that came to an end. The fact is, we aren't nearly there as a whole and she shouldn't have expected any better treatment than what she is getting. It might not be right, but it certainly isn't unfair.
Good points. There is so much flip-flopping throughout the article. How about this one:
- Let's be clear about one thing: I know exactly what I'm doing.
- What I did not expect was that I would be brutally bullied and harassed online. I did not expect that every private detail about my life would be dissected.
She has a hugely inflated sense of self worth and influence. She has gone from claiming to want to hide her identity to making bold claims like
- I am well aware: The threat I pose to the patriarchy is enormous. That a woman could be intelligent, educated and CHOOSE to be a sex worker is almost unfathomable.
I don't know about everyone else, but I don't look up the academic background of the actress when watching porn. And as far as I'm concerned, she hasn't proven to have much intelligence or education up to this point (I assume most actresses graduated high school).
- what does hubski think about "It terrifies us to even fathom that a woman could take ownership of her body"
In general, I think there is an unfair social expectation that women experience anything sexual less than men. I would consider a woman taking ownership of her body if she chooses how to explore and enjoy her sexuality regardless of the norm.
I'm a little late to the party, but I feel like I have a few things to add to the conversation.
Let me begin by providing a little insight on the situation, and preface this comment by saying I don't mean anything in a disrespectful manner, just sharing my opinion. I recently met the girl in question, albeit briefly, and from our brief conversation a few things were made very clear. She is a girl, not a woman, in every sense of the word. She walks, talks, and looks like your typical high school female, which would make sense considering she is just beginning her second semester of college. She puts on a front of confidence and stalwart self-esteem, but it doesn't take long to realize she is very insecure about herself. She is very similar to other students of Duke in that she is extremely motivated to succeed, and is not pleased by the thought of being thought of as "below" any of her peers in any way. Unfortunately, due to her identity as a porn actress being, she had to make the decision to try to let it pass and fly under the radar, or come out and defend her actions.
Don't get me wrong, I respect and in a way admire her for stepping into the spotlight rather than hiding from the student body of Duke. With that said, I disagree with many of her arguments and do not think of her very highly. She went about it all wrong, and is now trying to paint herself as a martyr and victim of the system she optioned to be a part of. I find her at fault both economically and morally, which are easier to separate in this case.
Economically, she took the easy way out. There are a ton of students at Duke who work all year while studying in order to support their education. There are others who take out loans and leave school with six-figure debt. She found a way to pay for school without taking either of these paths, and there are consequences that come with that. If you are performing unskilled labor and being paid $1000's of dollars a weekend for it, chances are it is either highly illegal or heavily stigmatized. In this case it's the latter, and for good reason.
She is performing a private, highly emotional act for the world to watch in order to make a quick buck. She defends her choice by saying she loves doing it and has nothing but a positive experience...well, welcome to the club, I enjoy sex too. As for the positive experience, the "porn industry" expands far beyond the set. The public eye being on the actress is not just part of the job, it is the job. Her writing fluff-filled articles that ramble on exponentially longer than this post proves that her career has not been a overwhelmingly fun experience.
Morally, I don't even know where to start. I expect a variety of opinions in a community like Hubski, so feel free to dispute me if you disagree, I am always looking to develop my outlook on things. In my eyes, this girl is no better than a prostitute. Not only does she take money in order to be degraded (lets call it what it is), but she allows it to be shown on the internet, to the public. She claims to be taking ownership of her body, but to me it seems like all she is doing is selling it off to support her tuition. If she didn't want to be disrespected, she shouldn't have chosen career that is fueled by disrespect.
To answer her own question:
- Why do we call women sluts and whores?
I would describe a woman as a whore if she accepts financial compensation for performing sexual acts. You're a whore, Belle.
For further reading, try: http://www.dukechronicle.com/articles/2014/02/14/portrait-porn-star
Wow I had never heard of that movie, too bad it isn't on netflix or I'd watch it tonight. Another popular story which shaped my early understanding and views on the issue is Of Mice and Men, when (SPOILER) George saves Lennie from an inevitable, painful death by ending his life in a state of bliss.
It must be the group of people I find myself around or perhaps my age, because whenever the subject of euthanasia comes up it is almost unanimously agreed upon that it should be legal. I definitely see the legality of it coming around as the older generation dies out and the younger generation starts to vote.