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I had a similar experience. I was raised in a Conservative/Fundamentalist Christian environment. Sometime shortly after undergrad, I realised I didn't believe those things anymore, and how many were logically indefensible. I now identify as a Progressive Christian, sometimes leaning toward Deism.
I believe in God, as a fact, from philosophical arguments. Primarily First Cause and the Ontological Argument (maths minor here). Logically demonstrating Jesus is God is a bit harder, but, I think he was about as good as any man who lived, and the absence of evidence isn't evidence of absence, so, eh. Theologically, I'm at a point where I'm not sure it matters. One of my favorite quotes is a paraphrase of Marcus Aurelius,
- Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.
I have a lot of friends who outright rejected Theism when confronted with the indefensible. Which I understand, but don't agree with. I think that rejection is often a continuation of the black-and-white philosophy of Fundamentalism and Conservatism. When faced with incontrovertible facts against black, it's easy to flip to white, rather than recognising it's not "black" which is wrong, so much as the dualistic worldview itself.
- do you still believe that there is someone who will greet us after your death?
Again, I lean toward Deism. I'd like to believe in an afterlife, but I don't think it would be the horror many people think if there isn't. Time doesn't cease to exist after it happens, if that makes any sense. As Mark Twain said, "I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it."
- Do you still talk to God and ask for his help even though the belief is fading away?
Yes. Though I wouldn't say my belief is fading away. I'd rather say I deconstructed my faith and rejected the indefensible, and am now rebuilding it.
I'd add, I think a great many people, especially Fundamentalists, mistake God for themselves. That is, "God" is whatever they want and whatever supports them. That may mean rationalising their selfishness, or it may mean condemning vices they dislike in themselves. But regardless, it's self-worship, and bad. It's something I actively think about and try to avoid in myself. And also, just because many people worship themselves and call it God, doesn't mean a real, impartial, omnipotent God doesn't exist.
I'd also add, that I think "good" and "evil" are immature misconceptions. People aren't "evil", they're broken. The conservative theology of eternal damnation is childish. The philosophy of punishment because people "deserve it" is childish. People need helped, and fixed, not "punished" because they're "bad". Children think "bad actions are punished"; adults realise "bad actions are given negative reinforcement to teach good behavior". The purpose of all pain is learning, not some warped concept of justice. Suffering is bad. It takes a sick or childish mind to think otherwise.
You might be interested in Fowler's theory of Stages of Faith.
Marcus Aurelius' Meditations is also a fantastic read, but especially for anyone caught between fanaticism and atheism. It doesn't have answers, so much as advice for living well, and honest, rational thought.
I love to cook. I've made some great meals in my time and most of the really great ones involved some meat or seafood. Ribeye, scallops, tuna or even chicken or pork. But this vegetarian meatball recipe is in my top 10 for sure. I sourced the crux of the recipe via the video I link to below. I modified some of the ingredients, but it's basically the same.
Ingredients for 16 small meatballs with my changes from video:
1.5 pound white mushrooms, chopped into very small pieces
2 tbsp olive oil
pinch of salt to sauté mushrooms
1 tbsp butter
1/2 cup minced shallots (video uses onion)
4 minced garlic cloves
1/2 cup instant oatmeal
1/2 cup (oat bran) video calls for bread crumbs
packed 1/4 cup chopped cilantro (video says parsley)
handful of shredded cheddar and provolone cheese (video uses Parmigiano-Reggiano -which is certainly more traditional. I just didn't have any on hand and it really just acts as a binder/salt agent)
1 tsp salt
freshly ground black pepper and cayenne to taste as well as paprika.
pinch of dried oregano
3 cups of your favorite pasta sauce.
*Let mixture sit overnight in fridge. Bake meatballs for 12-15 at 450 degrees F., then simmer in sauce for 30-60 minutes before serving.
Here is a video that helped me along: Meatball Video
Here are some pics:
First thing you do is chop up a whole bunch of mushrooms
Then you sauté the mushrooms till they brown. Then add in the shallots till they brown slightly. Then you turn off the heat and add garlic and stir it in. Then take contents and put it in a mixing bowl. Add the oatmeal, salt, pepper, oat bran and an egg and mix together. Add oregano, cayenne, paprika and another egg. Mix together and it should look something like this:
Keep this mixture in the fridge overnight. The next day make them in to balls and place them in the oven at 450 for 15 minutes. They should come out looking like this:
Then place them in your pasta sauce and let them sauté for at least a half hour. I let mine sauté for 45 minutes. It looked like this:
Here is a shot of the completed meatballs:
What kid doesn't love spaghetti and meatballs?
Oh, and a nice red with some tannins to cut through that sauce is recommended: