Does anyone else ever feel like they're constantly working towards something and think to themselves, when I achieve "x" things will calm down again, but then another "x" comes up and things never get calm? I think I need to accept that the chaos I'm in is my new normal and that things aren't going to get any easier. Also, I was talking with mk last night about the fact that I have physical symptoms from stress. What's insane is that the stress is from things that are inconsequential in the long run. Does anyone else suffer such silliness? We are all ultimately destined to the same fate. As mk put it, "we are monkeys with clothes on heading towards death", it's inevitable and yet we spend much of what little life we have fretting over bullshit. I have the biggest sales call of my life in 1 hour and 5 minutes. $120mm opportunity. Wish me luck!
When I was 90hrs/week with $20m in contracts under my control for a company that was looking for an excuse to liquidate my entire business division, my physical symptoms of stress included: - diarrhea - weight gain - graying hair - indigestion - canker sores But the amazing one is my right leg turned 60 degrees in my hip socket. That's something that started happening when I was a kid - I've always been kinda duck-footed but when I was busy being massively stressed out by work, my right leg actually started to turn outward. By the time I saw a chiropractor about it my rest posture had my feet 90 degrees apart. Stress is real, and it will fuck you. The best thing you can do is give over at least ten minutes a night, before bed, not fucking around on the Internet but sitting and listening to music with your eyes closed. Obviously Slayer isn't the best choice but something you can fall into and mellow. Hope it went well.
I wish that your symptoms: canker sores and graying hair didn't hit home, but they do. Thanks for well wishes, that goes for everyone else too. The meeting went okay, not good and not bad. We have advanced the sales cycle, but we have yet to close the deal. I'm confident it will close, it's just a matter of when. For financial reasons, and career reasons I would really like it to close by November, but a company of this size doesn't make decisions very quickly. We will see. I like the advice to take 10 minutes prior to bed and listen to music. I could swing that. I would also like to incorporate 10 minutes each morning of silent time. I'm considering setting up a chair in the back yard, beyond the fence line where I can sit and meditate undisturbed and with no technology present. I'll begin with the music tonight and with the meditation tomorrow. That's some crazy shit about your leg! You all put back together now or was it a lasting gift from the 90hr a week gig?
Dude, I've seen pictures of your place. Get building. I'm also a big fan of hammocks. You've got lots of places for hammocks. My legs mostly point straight these days. Shit, even the gray hair went away. Stress is eminently reversible.
good luck tng. it's 90 minutes after your sales call. I hope it went brilliantly! I've been thinking about your story about warming the bottle in the bullethead house -- what a relief that it is now a guy-thing to go around warming bottles. I'm on a train from NYC to Boston. The AT&T wireless is briefly working. There's a hubski meetup in Harvard Square at 5:00 p.m. Anyone else around besides me and humanodon?
I felt this way as I was trying to get out of student debt. I thought as soon as I paid my loans off, it was going to be this huge burden lifted off my shoulders. Then I finished them off, and it felt nice, but the next thing I knew I was thinking 'as soon as I have 10k saved up, then I'll be comfortable'. And sure enough, I've now saved up about 10k, and now I feel like I'll be comfortable at some higher number. At some point in the last couple months I realized this number was just going to keep going up, and I need to figure out how to get out of that thought cycle.Does anyone else ever feel like they're constantly working towards something and think to themselves, when I achieve "x" things will calm down again, but then another "x" comes up and things never get calm? I think I need to accept that the chaos I'm in is my new normal and that things aren't going to get any easier.
Oh geez, here I was just going to bounce some ideas off of you. Two job offers so far, trying to figure out which one is best for me. Anyway, hope it went well! And yes, if anyone else is around, please join lil and I at Cafe Algiers/Algiers Coffee House in Cambridge at 5 pm today.
Hope the call went well. Even if the deal wasn't closed, though: you've got a beautiful family, comfortable life, lots of friends. More money's less important than that, yeah? Trite maybe, but still useful mantra material... Naw, but oodles of money sounds pretty great Hope you killed it.
Your only hope is to take things one at a time, make the list in advance if you have to so you know it's there, but don't worry about what's ahead when you're working on something right now. Just get it done quickly!;)
Last week I had a strangely depressed week including suicidal thoughts and then Robin Williams did the deed and that made things worse and better. It was so bizarre to be acutely aware of the sinking depression. A [sort of] new experience for me. Strange days to be sure.
Hey steve, I'm sorry to hear this. I sort of think of you as one of my pals that "has it all together," but of course, none of us truly do. I'm here if you need an ear. I have the rest of the day available and would love to hear from you. Did anything trigger this? You say that it is [sort of] a new experience. What has helped you out of these types of feelings in the past? Hang in there S1.
oh man - I appreciate you reaching out - ehhh… depression is a weird thing. Too long to get in to here, now, but yah - it comes around sometimes. And I think I could share this because it's over. It was poignant episode - very quick, very deep, and very spooky - and then was gone almost as quickly. I don't what the trigger was - sometimes I can pinpoint it - sometimes I can't. It's like getting the flu sometimes you just wake up and you feel terrible. Anyway - thanks for the concern - I'm in a good place.
Thanks - there's no need to say anything. I really am in a good place, and have a great network of people and a box full of tools for this kind of thing. I feel almost foolish about posting it now - I promise you all it wasn't a cry for help - I think… I dunno - being able to think back on it, I wanted to share it because it's a thing. and it happened. and maybe some one else has those kinds of things. and maybe talking about it might help some one else get it? or maybe help some one help some one else? Depression is some weird chemical, emotional, physical, spiritual thing. Some one you know is struggling right now with it.
The diagnosis is newish. I'm curious about how the modern likelihood of being told you have depression has changed how people living with depression act/survive/don't. Is it easier to know that something tangible is going on, or does it make things harder to ignore and push through?
I find it helpful to remember that I am not my depression: It's a chemical imbalance in my brain with a genetic history, and occasionally, despite my best efforts, it messes me up. I have my coping strategies (as I'm sure you do as well), and I do my best to not let it affect my relations with the people I care about.
The article that has been the most interesting to me this week has not been about Ferguson, has not been about police militarization, has not been about anything relevant to life in general. It's a sales pitch about seahorse aquariums. Also, as market research, I have been reading The Da Vinci Code. It is an execrable pile of purple prose, but I now understand its draw.
Only Dan Brown book I liked was digital fortress, and he wrote that in his early days.
A gorgeous girl I never thought I'd have a chance with came over yesterday. Out of the blue, I invited her over. The night started with Radiohead. It ended with Led Zeppelin.
I'm burned out on life. This is my last day on the special project in VA but then I'm back to the grind at my regular job at 7 AM tomorrow morning. I'm also moving. The next two weeks will be very very busy for me. Maybe after that I can take a vacation...if I'm not starting a new job.
If you're burned out on life, moving might be a baaaaaaaaad idea. Bar none the most stressful activity in the world. Any way you can put it off?
It won't be so bad. I'm partying hard on the weekends to make up for my lost life except of course this weekend and next will be work. I can't put off moving because I've already broken my lease. (2 months' notice required.) In addition, I have a roommate, and she is leaving as well. If I tried to stay for another month I'd have to pay double the rent and I don't have the finances to do so especially at such a short notice. Nor would it really make sense for me personally to do so. Thankfully I have already started moving stuff back to my parents', where I am relocating, so in that regard the move has already started and will be less stressful than a typical move.
Makes it a little bit easier. Good luck, anyhow. Burnout have to do with work?
I've been working a job and a half, really, for the past month, and I've also been working at least 85% capacity (so: "job and a half" represents time investment ie hours, capacity represents time actually spent working during those hours) during that time as well. I am used to working a job at about 50-60% capacity (with one week every month making up for it at >80% capacity and "all hands on deck at any hour if need be" flags). I finally lose one job tomorrow, or lost it today (last day) only to immediately, with no break, dive back into the half-job and make it a full job again at probably permanently higher capacity now. So yeah. I've spent way too many hours these past 5 weeks staring at spreadsheets and making things balance. Getting back to the regular job tomorrow will be at least a temporary relief (although busy) because at least it's not damn spreadsheets with red highlighting all over them, 9 hours a day, for five weeks.
Promised myself years ago I'd never work in an office environment again. One of my few prudent decisions. Just reading "spreadsheets... highlighting... 9 hours a day" makes my stomach clench.
Random thoughts I've been having recently (only two come to mind right now because I just woke up, might add throughout the day as they resurface): - I have a voice-crush on Nina Totenberg -"Apeshit" would be a great party band name and I wish somebody would start a party band and use it. IMMEDIATE EDIT just bothered googling for the first time, there's already a band called Apeshit. Prompting two more thoughts: -google has made thinking up band names way more difficult -I should sue the guy in France who appropriated my old band name. Surely he googled before he decided to use it? -Physical attraction is such a weird concept. Being attracted to a person based on how they look at a fleeting moment in their lives, when behind them lies infancy and in front of them eventual decrepitude. It's like being attracted to an MRI cross-section. And then maybe basing many or all future romantic/logistical decisions on your interpretation of that cross section. Ideally love shouldn't happen until one or both or all people in a relationship are dead. Only then can you see them in their entirety- thought, deed, physical space. And how trippy would physical attraction be then? Would you find attractive those who occupied the largest space (traveled the most, say)? Or those whose ultimate physical pathway displayed the best symmetry? Whoo, that was a long one
You've got the right of it. Go voice or go home. Once more and with enthusiasm, google is really good at ruining all sorts of stuff for me. I refuse to let it this time! Actually, this reminds me of another random thought to add- thx
I am going to start painting again. It has been several years since I have, and I miss it. I would say that most of my previous paintings have been representational minimalism. Now, I am looking forward to painting something more organic. Also, the majority of my previous paintings have been on sheet metal tacked to a wooden frame. I've decided that my next paintings are going to be on wooden panels.
Keeweenaw Shore was already impressive before I read the part about it being house paint. That blows my mind. The water and the sand, especially. Great texture. Have you considered going exactly the opposite direction and using like oil paints? I also really like both the untitleds. I can see why the B&W one was rolled up w/ band posters- it's got that feel to it. Or like an album cover or something.
Came back to work today to a shitfest. Water is leaking through the ceiling of a bathroom (again) and the ceiling is starting to cave in. My cook got fired this morning so I have a brand new one. The cook I had started making his own modifications to the kitchen while I was gone... so now he's gone. I start school again Monday. I only have to take one class to finish my gen ed before I can transfer to a university. Which means I have to start applications pretty soon. I'm ready to move on. I'm hoping I'll have no trouble getting into the school of my choosing. I should stand out pretty well among transfer students. Combat veteran drone pilot 3.9 GPA break between school to live in Peru web design work job helping the homeless starting my own nonprofit + a nice narrative to tie it all together might give me a lot of options.
Haven't been around but I am alive and doing things. Feel like that doesn't need to be said but I also feel like I'm fulfilling Pubski's purpose. Edit: the internet feels really depressing lately. Robin Williams, Ferguson, Zoe Quinn, Yale Stewart. Just awfulness all around.
I am right there with you. There has been a lot of unfortunate events the last couple of weeks and the general air of everything just seems foreboding. Not a happy time.
BERLIN berlin Berlin. https://twitter.com/veenspace/status/502200905807441920 Did I mention I'm in the German Capital? Really liking it here, even thoughmost of the time is spent doing boring things. Also looking forward to NYC in about ten days. God I love traveling. _refugee_ that still up?
I LOVE Berlin! I think It is my favorite city in Europe. I wish I could just move there. Did you party a bit? Parties are just CRAZY there. Not going to NY for another year at least. I went there last fall and forgot I could not drink in the US yet. It kinda sucked cause most concerts are at bars so there's really not much to do after all shops and museums close. I mean there are shows but the good one are always sold out or too expensive and I'm really not into musicals.
Warschauer strasse or Friedrichshain is where we partied in Berlin except for a night where locals took us to a great club god knows where (i just know we took the s-bahn). Locals know the places to be, that's why couchsurfing is so great. Hostels are fun but sometimes you end up in really sketchy places because you want to party and nobody know where to go.
What with me moving it's actually debatable on my end, but the actual New Yorkers ( like nowaypablo ) should be able to make a good show.
