a thoughtful web.
Good ideas and conversation. No ads, no tracking.   Login or Take a Tour!
comment by _refugee_
_refugee_  ·  4025 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Who are you, Hubski?

I'm _refugee_, aka E. H. Brogan. Available for reading here - blog or here - poems. Available for listening [here](soundcloud.com/ehbrogan) - not sure if that link will work, soundcloud is restricted at my work.

Real-life banker, fantasy poet. Got my BA in English and promptly landed a completely unrelated gig in the back office world of corporate banking where I pore over financial regulations and yell at people for breaking them. I don't Hubski near as much as I'd like to but my so-called "real life" has been surprisingly busy as of late - sick, totalled a car, had an exam for work, and so on. In my non-work time I frequent concerts, bars, and Chinese food restaurants. I also write and try to get published.

In my dream world I would probably be a tenured college professor. I'd love to get an MFA in creative writing but can't justify it so won't do it. I was recently described as a "logical badass." My mother asked me if I would please take out my nose piercing whenever I go home. (No.) This weekend I am going to go see The Neighborhood (band) in Philly, car shopping on Saturday/night drinking, wedding on Sunday.

I enjoy cooking. And I have an Internet crush on kleinbl00.





insomniasexx  ·  4025 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    And I have an Internet crush on kleinbl00.

Don't we all. :P

nowaypablo  ·  4025 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I don't!! Should I?!?

_refugee_  ·  4024 days ago  ·  link  ·  

kleinbl00 is a pretentious asshole, said with all affection and with the thought that he would agree with me. He also happens to be extremely intelligent, discerning, and a good writer. Such a good writer, in fact, that he considers it a disservice to non-writers not to write. (The crush, I feel it growing.) He is blunt and doesn't pull his punches even if he likes you - probably especially if he likes you. He also has a ton of interesting life stories to tell and a very good analytical mind. His perspective is usually insightful and always - to me - interesting.

So if that sounds good to you, crush away. I advise comment-stalking. He was big on Reddit for the longest time; I think you are an ex-Redditor and so it surprises me you haven't heard of him, but then again I spent far too much time on Reddit while I was there.

kleinbl00  ·  4024 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I believe the phrase was "arrogant ass."

So here's the thing about that podcast: TNG edited it for length, as any reasonable human would. He got it down to the juicy bits, as any reasonable editor would. And he presented differing perspectives, as any reasonable journalist would. But he left most of the angsty shit I have associated with writing on the cutting room floor.

I've used writing as a weapon since I was seven.

Back when xerox machines were spendy we used to get those purple mimeograph handouts. And I remember we got a "mad lib" one where we had to use a list of words to write a "story." It was bullshit. The words were all associated with ice cream parlors. "cherry." "soda." "glass." "chair." "vanilla." Who the fuck wants to write a story about ice cream? So I wrote four or five sentences that went "the giant cherry soda broke glass and threw chairs as it created vanilla doom." The object of the exercise, from my standpoint, was to demonstrate what bullshit the assignment was. The reaction was gifted testing, writing samples taken for analysis and appointments with the guidance counselor.

So I learned early that if you put your feet in the squares they can't tell if you're hopscotching or mocking them with your chicken dance. Manipulating and mocking those who gave me all this bullshit make-work became second-nature and so little of a challenge that any "joy of creation" was gone before it had a chance to thrive. I've never been about writing for my own edification; I'd draw if I had any skill at it. I'd paint if I could. I'd sculpt. I can easily say I draw vastly more satisfaction out of welding than I do out of writing. But writing has always been this thing that people fawn over and waste my time with.

In 8th grade a classmate wrote a "fantasy novel" of about 20 pages that was essentially a D&D script involving his friends and a select assortment of hot girls in school (scandalous!). I was deeply offended by the amount of praise this deeply mediocre bit of prose attracted and decided to try my hand at, you know, writing. It was some personal shit - angsty and violent - and crafted on the computer we had at home, which crashed, and which my father "recovered" line-by-line so that he had an excuse to read what sort of psychotic bullshit his son was writing. A year later he forgot my birthday (my sister's is the day before). Two years later I put a key lock on my bedroom door and didn't give anyone else the key. Three years later we had an armed standoff in the hall involving a machete. Four years later I was couch-surfing. Suffice it to say that as soon as I started giving a shit about my writing, the world conspired to fuck me over.

Nonetheless, by 10th grade I'd almost gotten back to the point of writing again. I'd polished a couple stories enough to submit; I was in the zone. Then I ended up in an honors english class where we had to write two 500-word persuasive essays a week, due Tuesdays and Fridays. It had the following effects: 1) I hate the fuck out of Willa Cather 2) I hate the fuck out of Aldo Leopold 3) I got trivially good at spewing 500 words of persuasive bullshit about anything 4) I put aside all thoughts of writing for fun 4 EVAR.

Ten years later a best buddy (see: "couch surfing") was working on his thesis film at Art Center. The script was not good. I didn't rewrite it because I wanted to write scripts. I didn't rewrite it because I thought I had any particular skill at it. I rewrote it because he was investing $25,000 on top of a $150,000 education and fuckin' A it couldn't be worse.

Four years after that I optioned a screenplay for enough to buy my wife's engagement ring. A year after that I'd made enough on script options to be ineligible for the Nicholl.

So it's not wholly accurate to say I "consider it a disservice" not to write. It's that my friends and family get pissed off when I don't write, that I've always gotten the annoying signals that I'm good enough to write, and that "writing" is something that I inherently feel no challenge from - unlike painting, unlike drawing, unlike sculpting - and that people are incongruously thankful when I contribute.

I imagine there are tall people who hate basketball, despite being full-ride-to-PAC-12-good at it. Some ass put a basketball in their hands when they were nine and never bothered to ask if they were having fun. Maybe they get a college education out of it, maybe they spend some time in the NBA. Maybe that takes some of the edge off. Me? I've never not had an impressive lay-up but "basketball" was never not a chore.

There are more players in the NBA than there are working writers in the WGA-west. One of those writers - sort of a Karl Malone-grade player - was in my school from 8th grade on. His parents paid for him to go to college; his parents didn't threaten to kill him if he didn't turn the radio down. He signed his first million-dollar contract three years out of school back when I was designing wastewater treatment plants. Billion-dollar wastewater treatment plants, to be sure, but wastewater treatment plants nonetheless.

I could out-write that fucker back in '88. I still can. So what I'm left with is the notion that this thing I don't enjoy can make me money if I play the game right, but it's a bullshit game that I've always hated.

More than you cared to know. Not exactly a "disservice." Better to say that I consider writing to be a chore for which I am drearily suited.

blackbootz  ·  4023 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Your engagement ring -- which I assume was a pretty penny -- was it a diamond ring? If so, I thought you'd be personally against the diamond trade. If not, what makes it so expensive?

kleinbl00  ·  4023 days ago  ·  link  ·  

It was not a diamond ring. You are correct - I am deeply and aggressively against the diamond trade.

here's an excessive amount on rings (towards the bottom).

blackbootz  ·  4023 days ago  ·  link  ·  

When did you pick up amateur gem skills? And now I really want to see a picture of your wedding ring.

I've gathered you're an audio engineer, a lapidary, satellite and aviation enthusiast, screenwriter, conspiracy junkie, and writer/producer/director. Any secrets to your daily routine? Is it one hour of sleep a night? Automating as much of your tasks as possible? Or just following your taste wherever it leads you?

kleinbl00  ·  4023 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Took a gemology class across four weekends when I was in high school. There's fuckall to do in Los Alamos, NM, and one of the things that happens every year is the Lapidary Society has a gem and mineral show. Started collecting gemstones when I was in 9th grade. They're super cheep on the wholesale market.

Secrets to my illustrious existence:

1) Never turn down knowledge.

2) Boredom is a sign you need to find something to do.

3) You will regret the things you don't do far more than the things you do.

4) Everyone has stories. Listen for them.

blackbootz  ·  4022 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    2) Boredom is a sign you need to find something to do.

How large-of-scale should this thing to do be? If you personally are bored, do you get up and go for a walk? Or do you start making large plans? Do you consult an ongoing to-do list that never ends

kleinbl00  ·  4022 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I play it by ear. You've got dozens of things you keep meaning to do, right? Every now and then it's worth doing one. Or starting to do one. Or venturing down the path to doing one.

thenewgreen  ·  4024 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    So here's the thing about that podcast: TNG edited it for length, as any reasonable human would. He got it down to the juicy bits, as any reasonable editor would. And he presented differing perspectives, as any reasonable journalist would. But he left most of the angsty shit I have associated with writing on the cutting room floor.
-All true, and thanks for always being a sport about this. Your content alone could be an extremely interesting piece all of it's own accord in every podcast you've participated in. _refugee_, I recommend checking out KB's bit in the podcast on Silence "I've survived, come have sex with me"! is still one of my favorite podcast moments. -crush away.

I will say that for the writing podcast you required more editing for pausing than you ever have before. My guess is bourbon, but it could have been deliberation too.

kleinbl00  ·  4024 days ago  ·  link  ·  

That was recorded on my phone, between moving, feeding the baby, and mixing national television. Usually I record it on The Rig but The Rig was between "destruction" and "rising like a phoenix." I still need to take new beauty shots.

That, and I knew there was no way to say what I needed to say without sounding like a rank asshole.

_refugee_  ·  4024 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Sometimes when we talk about a certain subject we sound ways we don't want. I can sound incredibly pretentious when I get on my poetry horse or, last night, when talking about vinyl. It can be a product of passion or necessity. We do not and will not always seem lovely angels.

nowaypablo  ·  4024 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I second that, whenever I try to write about, or verbally express my emotions I've been told I can come off as the most stuck-up, in-the-clouds dickhead imaginable. Had a deep infatuation with a girl that had me confused, and in an effort to ask a question, I ended up writing a novella in /r/Relationships and got told off by like 400 people :(

insomniasexx  ·  4024 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I'm really sorry but I want a link. Is it bad that the idea of your internet pain sounds incredibly amusing? Maybe because I'm alone on a Saturday night...

nowaypablo  ·  4024 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I deleted it out of fear that she'd see it after I got her into reddit. Those were dark times for me man.

nowaypablo  ·  4024 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I stayed in small communities, didn't often visit the default subs besides AskReddit, but now I'm curious that I hadn't heard of him. I did end up racking six-figure karma before I realized exactly what I was doing with my life, and my depart was pretty abrupt. I feel weird talking about the guy like this but I'll definitely follow you kleinbl00 for all the great entertainment you seem to provide :D

kleinbl00  ·  4024 days ago  ·  link  ·  
insomniasexx  ·  4024 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    "Hi, my name is Britney Jones. I live at 12345 Shady Lane with my roommate Ashley. Here's my Facebook page, here's my MySpace page, and here's what my gynecologist sees every time he gives me a pap smear. [F]irst time be gentle!"
link

LOL!

nowaypablo  ·  4024 days ago  ·  link  ·  

so you're like, jesus?

kleinbl00  ·  4024 days ago  ·  link  ·  

More like Kato Kailin.

user-inactivated  ·  4025 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Enjoy The Neighborhood! Jealous.

_refugee_  ·  4024 days ago  ·  link  ·  

So, sadly, the lead singer of The Neighborhood seems like a d-bag.

user-inactivated  ·  4024 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Ah, well.