Having being someone with trust issues myself, I understand. Trusting people is hard. Especially if you've lied before. You see, but this time it means more. Because i lied way too many times, when I tell the truth, people I care about don't believe me.
It's not like I lied about something huge- like oh my god I'm extremely catholic or I'm a lesbian or I'm from Canada and moved to the states. No, I lied about playing video games. I said I didn't. When I did. That's how this started. Granted it spitballed into much deeper lies. i thought i was doing the right thing, I'm not lying anymore.
Maybe deceptive, not lying. It's like when I tell the truth everyone thinks it's a lie and when I lie everyone believes me. It sucks. Anyone else have this problem? It ruins everything and I can't take it back. People should trust more, and less. It's weird.
People should trust that the people who love them don't want to lie. But shouldn't trust when someone they just met or don't care as much for look like they're lying. Half the time it's just yourself being low selfesteem-y. Getting upset because someone said something or whatever, it's not like it can be taken back.
I mean, if I held my hand out and you were about to fall off a cliff, I question you would even take it- in fear I'd just push you down.
It's not just my boyfriend either, no one trusts me. Not even my counselor. Everything I say is a lie, isn't it? Questions comments concerns?
You can't repair serious damage easily. I think that building trust after it has been breached is a bit like getting out of credit card debt. When digging out of debt, you need to make a budget, and stick to it. Then, sacrifice all of the things you'd rather do with your money in the present, so that you can have a better future. It takes commitment and hard work. Pathologically lying, I would imagine, is like compiling a giant trust deficit, which can only be dug out of one small step at a time. If you want to fix it, you first have to identify the source of the problem (i.e. why do you lie?), then make a serious plan to correct your past wrongs. Deep problems require deep solutions.
The sad part? I know. Deep cuts require deep pain, deep lies require deep solutions. I just have no clue how to even start to mend these wounds.
Wow, that's really inspiring and helpful. Thank you.