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ad  ·  2934 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: The End of Courtship?

This article comes off as if a teenage girl, just out and into the dating scene, realizes that the world isn't made up of:

>Dinner at a romantic new bistro

To be honest, I don't see the downfall of hanging out with somebody because you're furthering the relationship. You also get one big advantage in hanging out with his friends: You see him as a normal person, in a normal social setting. Normal. Not feeling pressured to perform a dazzling act to some random girl he asked out in a romantic bistro, which in itself is sending messages that a women might perceive as creepy/needy.

If you honestly have some sort of issue with hanging out with someone for a few hours, and want to go spend money on food, and perhaps talk for 30 minutes, tell the person that. How in fucking hell is he supposed to know what you do and don't want to do? Thinking something isn't the same as telling someone something. Perhaps if this article was based on the fact that guys flat out refuse to go on "legitimate" dates, then I'd be fine with this view point, but it's not. I, as a man, would be perfectly fine doing either. It even says this:

>“I don’t like to take girls out. I like to have them join in on what I’m doing — going to an event, a concert.”

Going to an event or concert is a date. It's going out to do something with her, no? Even if it's being done with or without her, you're still doing:

1. Buying her a ticket to come

2. Spending time together

So I can't really see the reason to complain. While it may not be the most intimate way of communicating, it's still communication. I'd even argue that it's better, since dinner and a movie isn't an accurate depiction of your entire life. Hanging out, talking, watching TV, etc, all combined, are.

God this article is dumb. If a woman honestly wants something out a relationship, don't fuck the person, say something.





Skippy  ·  2933 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    While it may not be the most intimate way of communicating, it's still communication. I'd even argue that it's better, since dinner and a movie isn't an accurate depiction of your entire life. Hanging out, talking, watching TV, etc, all combined, are.

Agreed. I'd go a little farther and say dating must (at some level) include community, because (i) individuals change according to the setting they are in and you want to know all facets of this person, and (ii) you're not taking this person out of his community, you're trying to join it; the same goes for this person's involvement in your community. The "traditional" style of dating (which is what, 150 years old? if that? tradition develops too) is very focused on people on the individual level, where it should strike a balance between individual and community.

    . If a woman honestly wants something out a relationship, don't fuck the person, say something.

Shoot, goes both ways I'd say. Don't go under the sheets until you know the person. Sex is more than just pleasure, it's intimacy, and quick flings cheapens it.