Still experiencing very, very high highs, and very, very low lows. I'm really looking to my therapy appointment tomorrow. I had thoughts of self harm a couple of weeks ago. Again this morning. Not suicidal but...not happy about experiencing this again for the first time since 2014. I've had enough experiences dating in the last 7.5 months that it's not so much impacting my self-worth/confidence/etc., but it feels like I keep totally misreading the other person, their intent, our dates, and it's got me to the point where I have little-to-no confidence in my own intuition and understanding of the person across the table. I guess I do feel pretty unwanted. At the same time, I'm pretty happy by/with myself and don't necessarily feel lonely. Just really do desire sharing this life more intimately with someone. Anyway. Here's some photos from Canada last week. That trip was amazing. My body is still sore. oyster if you're still around, sure was a fantastic view of the chateau from Louise Falls!
Cyclone Gabrielle basically tore the North Island asunder with winds and flooding, and down in the dirty south we're sitting under summer skies and under voluntary water restrictions. Two extremes that we're going to see more and more of.. Our wee cat, Elvis, is going through a run of bad health. We took him for a checkup and he had A) an ear infection, B) high blood pressure and C) stage three kidney disease. Ear infection is cleared up, the blood pressure is being handled but the kidney disease is essentially going to be the thing that gets him, one way or another. I've lost pets before, to old age and health, but my partner hasn't. She's already dreading losing him. We're not going to have kids, so pets are the closest we'll get and we pamper our cat with that in mind. We know his poor health has been exacerbated by the fact that he was treated poorly by his previous owners (no check ups, no diet concerns, and he was abandoned when they sold their house. He had to have 6 teeth removed when we took him in for his first checkup!), so we were always expecting an uphill battle. Just trying to keep my partner focused on the fact that we have given him his best years and he's been super comfortable, happy and safe since we rescued him. We still have time, possibly years. Just trying to appreciate having this wee creature who has attuned his body clock to our own. He gets up when we do in the mornings and he's at the door at 5.15pm when we come home from work. If we come home any earlier than 5.15pm he's disheveled from a nap and all confused. He knows dinner time means he gets some tasty food too so when I'm cooking he's at my feet waiting for it. He has to be as close as possible to us, preferably laying over our heart so he can hear the beat (apparently cats find it comforting?) He's never swiped or hissed at us, even when he's clearly scared, and when we shifted house all he needed was us in amongst the furniture and he adjusted within a couple of days. He's just really cool. On a confusing note, the valuation on my house arrived this week. Up to $540k, some of which is accounting for an apparent "$45k of home improvements since 2021", and given we bought the place in 2021 and I can confirm I've only installed raised beds, a coat hook and mounted the TV, I'm unsure where that extra is coming from. Like, yay increased valued, but nay increased rates and continuing the fucking horrid housing issue in NZ. On a more positive note, my student loan has about a grand remaining, of $42k. That'll be great to knock that in the head. Thank fuck I never had to pay interest on it!