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comment by ButterflyEffect
ButterflyEffect  ·  552 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: September 21, 2022

So here's my problems with dating apps. I want to be clear to anyone reading this, i really do not give a shit about being single. But the apps. man.

I will get matches if people see my profile. The people/algorithms behind these apps know this. So, if I throw down $20 for a boost on Hinge, which I did to test this out, I get ~10 people matching. In the two days leading up to that, without paying, I got 2.

This applies to Bumble. This applies to Tinder. I am sure the business/tech people behind these things know that males are in the red on these apps, and will happily bury you and make you pay more to access what the algorithm identifies as better matches. Hinge and Bumble are especially guilty of this, where I have never come across a top pick outside of the curated selection they provide. Every single app works this way. I’m probably a week away from just deleting all of them and not even bothering to try and date. These things are bad for my mental health, and I’m sure everyone else’s.

Plus I'm now up to FIVE times where someone says they're up to dinner or a drink or whatever and then just never. communicates. again. What the fuck is that, it is terrible behavior that is only enabled because of the low stakes environment these apps provide.

Grumble grumble.

kleinbl00 you called me a seeker (or was it searcher?) when we got lunch. I've been thinking about that and still don't really know what you meant. You can text me or respond here.





kleinbl00  ·  551 days ago  ·  link  ·  

So WanderingEng's comment above:

    Dating: I've been talking with this girl I met at the YMCA. We do the same class every week. We text about once a day, sometimes less. She seems really busy, and when we talk I feel like she's really engaged in getting to know me better. She brought up dating without talking about us dating. Just, she seems open to it on however long of a timeline it might take.

You:

    Plus I'm now up to FIVE times where someone says they're up to dinner or a drink or whatever and then just never. communicates. again. What the fuck is that, it is terrible behavior that is only enabled because of the low stakes environment these apps provide.

THIS IS NOT A VALUE JUDGMENT. However, if you look at the basic attitudes of the sentences above, the former is "I'm going to stay here and see what happens" while the latter is "I'm going to go over there and see what happens."

You are not the guru on the mountain, watching the same sunrise every morning for fifty years in order to attain enlightenment through repetition. You are wandering the Holy Land until you find The Grail. Down to the pseudonyms: you are not "wandering". It would not occur to you to "wander." You are about the small changes somewhere else that lead to seismic effects.

Fundamentally, you favor information and experiences that you must seek out, and discount information and experiences that come to you. There's nothing wrong with that. I merely wish to point out that your value system favors those things you pursue, and that given a choice between "static" and "dynamic" I've never seen you choose "static."

ButterflyEffect  ·  551 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Arrigetch, man. That's either going to be my holy grail or my white whale. I'm tellin' y'all.

    You are wandering the Holy Land until you find The Grail.