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comment by spencerflem
spencerflem  ·  33 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: September 16, 2020

Gonna be real - doing pretty badly

Out of college & at a full time salaried job. In college, I had a amazing group of friends that I loved dearly, and while social media is okay, having a discord call once a week really isn't the same. And soon I'll be moving to Clearwater FL (nearish tampa) presumably and I've been very anxious that that place is going to be a boring suburb.

Side note: how the hell are you expected to find friends after college? And when the hell are you expected to do anything if you have to wake up at 8am every day?

And the job is feeling kinda demoralizing since it just sunk in that the product we're going to be shipping will inevitably be a hard to use buggy mess and while we're trying to polish it up as much as possible I can't see it being in a place I can be proud of in time.

Long and short is: don't really have anything to look forward to, short or long term

Anyways, sorry for the rant, don't really know what parts of this are covid, what are just "growing up", and what are more personal. Bah. Just got new headphones tho so that's something

OftenBen  ·  32 days ago  ·  link  ·  

That's super real.

My fiancee graduated in December of last year and has been working roughly full time since then. She has espoused similar feelings in the recent weeks.

I experienced much the same for a long time. When we first graduate college and enter the workforce it really does seem like that work and the necessary actions to maintain one's ability to work are all that there is time for.

With a good degree of work and intention, you can create time for yourself and your loved ones in your schedule. Whenever I hear 'I can't, I'm busy' what I'm really hearing is 'I can't, I won't make time for you.

Social hobbies are the best way to make adult friends. If you have an active one, even better. If you are an adult without a physically active hobby or pasttime, get one before you regret not getting one.

Your life from now on is exactly what you make of it. Every year composed of months, weeks, days and hours. How you live is how you will have lived.

nil  ·  30 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    Whenever I hear 'I can't, I'm busy' what I'm really hearing is 'I can't, I won't make time for you.

This needs to be written up on a wall somewhere. If someone flakes and cancels plans 20, 21 times in a row, texts you saying they're going to be late, and later, and later, and then wants to reschedule a week later.

And you know it's not going to happen a week later.

They aren't your friends. Fuck with anything of mine but don't fuck with my time.

g5w  ·  32 days ago  ·  link  ·  

There is much to look forward to, and don't make your job your identity. Do you have any hobbies? I met many of my friends playing pool and darts after work. I met my best friend working. We still get together a couple times a month, and it has been 25+ years. Don't be in a rush to make friends, just open yourself to experiences with other people. The friendships will come on their own.

For 17 years I have been getting up at 5:30 every morning so I can get my family moving and out the door on time. My work day doesn't start until 9:00 after my hour commute. Most days I don't get home until after 7:00. Then after dinner and homework, working on the house, I still manage to find time for hobbies. Unless you work until 10:00PM you should have plenty of time for hobbies, socializing and getting a full night sleep.

From my experience, leave the house. Don't get sucked into television and surfing the web. When you go out, keep your phone in your pocket. Be interested in what is going on around you, don't look bored or annoyed to be there. If you do that enough, someone will eventually start a conversation while standing in line, or whatever. When they do, find a way to ask open ended questions, let them talk. People like to talk about themselves. Listen to them, ask follow up questions about what they talk about.

I'll get off my soap box now. I doubt you wanted my brain dump, but I hope it helps.

goobster  ·  32 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Honestly sounds like normal life stuff, and not COVID-related, really.

You'll figure it all out. There's no formula. You just live and follow the pretty shiny things and see where they lead. (And Tampa is a college town... my niece just moved there for college. You'll find plenty to do.)

b_b  ·  31 days ago  ·  link  ·  

On the bright side, there are definitely worse places in FL than Clearwater. At least there are really nice beaches there, if you're into that kind of thing. Also the Dali museum isn't far (St. Pete, I think). I'm no fan of FL, but if I had to live in FL I'd live in Miami. If I couldn't live in Miami I guess it'd be somewhere in the Tampa Bay region. Maybe you can become a hockey fan...The Lighting are playing in the Cup Finals starting tomorrow!

nil  ·  32 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I would add it's harder to make friends only because you aren't "forced" into situations involving other people as a result of school. Coworkers can become good friends too.

Remember it wasn't school that made them your friends. Sure, location is a huge part of it but part of it was having things in common. I still have friends from my high school days.

Also, if you're truly dreading going into work in the morning and it's not depression-related you might hate your job. What attracts people is having a major passion for something.

g5w  ·  31 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Much more succinctly put than my rambling response!

g5w  ·  31 days ago  ·  link  ·  
This comment has been deleted.
uhsguy  ·  32 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Sorry about Florida, it really is gods forsaken waiting room. Hopefully you will be making good money that can compensate for living there.

When I was in that life stage I spent a good 10-15k a year going to bars and meeting people. I can’t say I really made a lot of friends but there were some girls and I got a wife out of the deal. During covid though it’s not a good option.

For friends, try to work with people you want to be friends with. I know it’s hard to pull off but work friends are essentially free. They are around all day they are convenient and you dont have to invest a lot of free time making them. While you have no kids you can make friends by going out and meeting new folks and doing activities you like. It’s hard and slow though like 1-2 years to get there. After that no new friends except parents of your kids friends.

I don’t know what you like to do for fun but what ever it is I’d try to get into that and leverage money to be able to make new contacts. For example I had an acquaintance that bought a boat, and went out fishing every weekend. He invited anyone that would come including random folks on forums. He met tons of cool folks, seems expensive but I spent way more on the bar than he did on the boat and I think he had more fun. You could probably do something similar by buying some expensive price of gear for whatever hobby you are into and invite folks to use it with you. Join clubs, take lessons for cooking and outdoors, basically use money to put yourself in situations where you meet folks open to meeting new folks. The openness is key, try to avoid events where clicks hang out.

Also I too have a bit of a headphone fettish I have like $1000 of various headphones and iems in my house

kantos  ·  31 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Congrats on graduating and landing a full-time salaried job.

You are re-locating to a major city within Florida. As with all places, big or small, you will have to gently remind yourself where your own interests lie and set your course to seeking them out in your new location during your free time. My first real out-of-school job (I only have a year or two on you) was on the Space Coast. There was not much on that side of Space Coast. But, my favorite thing about that gig was the flexible work hours. I got up a little bit earlier so I could leave work earlier and go read on the beach. 'Adulting' means carving out time for you. Tampa is a big city - with COVID, it will be generally rougher to 'get out there' making more friends, but that's where getting friendly with those you will interact with daily anyways comes into play. Even if it's just starting out with greetings and small talk.

Making friends can look like getting more acquainted with neighbors, making an effort with chatting up co-workers and striking up conversations at the nearby comic shops (my ploy). Two of those settings are places that you will spend most of your day at. Maybe you don't click with some of them, and that's ok. The comic shop is where I knew I would find nerds of some capacity in a small town to jive with. Now, Tampa is not a small town (it has a few colleges pulling students to that area) and has gorgeous scenery. Personally, I would make weekend trips to the Preserves and State Parks nearby if that's were I was located! An easy way to find out what isn't boring is asking your neighbors and/or co-workers what to do around the area. Maybe lurk the USF/NCF/Eckerd/etc subreddit/forums for what your peers do.