Speaking of the Onion, our Dutch version had this brilliant piece today:
COVID-19 STATES INFECTION OF HARVEY WEINSTEIN WAS WITH MUTUAL CONSENT.
"There was no pressure or force used", Covid-19 said, "we simply gave him what he wanted: public sympathy. We both knew what we were getting into." Weinstein's representative calls it a gross misuse of power from the virus. "We hope people realize who the real victim is here."
edit: oh hey, no need for me to translate as it was originally from the Brits.