What are the odds of finding both a leucistic pigeon and a melanistic pigeon in a flock of about fifteen birds?
That is going to be difficult to model. You would need to know the leucistic and melanistic tendencies of the rock pigeon genome, and you would need to know how much they had been warped by breeders. The warp is likely to be a local factor because the proliferation of pigeons is related to human interference in the ecosystem. It isn't necessarily low - my sister had two melanistic gerbils and their first litter of eight had a leucistic gerbil. Subsequent litters (we had 40 something gerbils at one point - it was a nightmare), however, produced zero leucistic gerbils. Meanwhile I had two melanistic angel fish and their offspring, at least the ones reaching maturity, tended to run about 50% melanistic and about 50% natural. To the best of my knowledge I had no leucistic angel fish but not many of them made it to maturity so it's hard to be sure.
What causes the tiny black dots that dance around inside the red dot of a laser?
Scintillation. Lasers are coherent light thus they produce semi-coherent specular reflection. Your eye has not evolved to process coherent light so really, what you're observing is codec breakdown of your visual algorithm. Scintillation, by the way, was the bugbear that kept laser projectors from functioning for the first sixty years of the existence of lasers. Scintillation is hell on contrast ratio.
How fast would a plants metabolism need to be sped up before a creature like Audrey could even begin to be possible?
The metabolism wouldn't necessarily be the limiting factor. The definition of "plant" depends on capillary transmission of nutrients generated through photosynthesis and capillary transmission is governed by Jurin's Law. Audrey, per canon, depends on blood, not photosynthesis. This rules out the notion that it is a parasitic plant as plants lack blood. Audrey could be a saprotroph but the speed at which Audrey moves tends to rule out capillary processes. This would tend to indicate that Audrey is not actually a plant, but a skeuomorph mimicking a plant. Its rhetorical exchanges with Seymour enforce this conclusion.
. . . Did I trip the speed camera last night?
It's worth checking your local laws. California permits citizens to be implicated by their photographic image; Washington does not. Therefore, asserting under penalty of perjury that you are not the person in the image is an automatic dismissal in Washington but not in California. Further, your local municipality likely has processes in place to triage traffic cameras as they're effectively an extralegal appendage of the justice process. It is more cost-effective in many cases for the courts to dismiss the whiners.