Act I: HAPPY HOLIDAYS
1a) Birth Celebration
i. Twenty-two. I don't define myself by how many sidereal days I've been flopping about this universe. It's easier to do when you have big "birthdays": driving, voting, alcohol. You know, the violation of our most basic human rights (Lowry 1993). As a social position it ends up being important but sometimes you can put yourself in a box. NOW IT'S THE BEST TIME OF YEAR. F*** THE HATERS.
ii. Career in law. This is what I wanted out of high school. This is why I did research. This is why I worked for free in some type of "youth council." This is why I blew $2k of pizza money three years ago to teach little kids the English language in Nicaragua. I did a blind LSAT two years ago and got 159. Not good. I could have maybe raised my score by prepping or you know, just doing it again, because I had never seen it before, but let's be honest here, could I have really? Law schools aren't typically hotbeds of reasonable political programs like giving babies the right to vote. It would have been nice to have some civil rights earlier, while I was bouncing up and down through societal institutions like a Jack Russell Fuckin' Terrier. But that's edgy, and I'm an adult now, and the worst part about claiming the right to get high isn't that drugs are so horrible, it's that it's mostly just a waste of time. I could spend twelve hours staring at a wall again or be on the grind.
1b) Data Science
i. I've been frantically applying for jobs in this industry in addition to the research and finals and job and pop tarts. Because I'm getting annoyed by the eleventh graders (sorry eleventh graders). I've changed, and the worst part of being forced to occasionally interact with young kids isn't their lack of experience or any of that BS you were fed by shaved bald men growing up. It's that they're too happy! Christmas music! I'm like, why the fuck are you happy? You're at McDonald's! Do. something! I can't fucking legally talk to you, even for tutoring money. I don't know, how was your weekend? Still doing drugs? How are the kids?
Act II: BECAUSE I NEED
2a) Sesh wit "da boys"
i. Is this a movie? Because young people are doing the exact same reckless stuff, down to specifics. Going to the beach in the middle of winter. Starting a cult. Christening the 23rd of this month as magic mushroom day. Fun, is fun, but I'm not that special. The most wild and meaningful experiences of my teen years never felt like they materialized into much. Maybe just my approach to reality changed and that's good enough. Driving your friend to the countryside while cranking "Sheep" by Pink Floyd after they nearly attack you with household objects because they're tripping and you walked in during the peak. Yes, blues tastes like steak, MGMT tastes like candy, and you owe us $260 in back taxes for our cult. But all the consciousness expansion and getting laid at a semi-formal wasn't enough to make me start uni at 14 like an adult. Friend:
"bro u need to drop out bro just focus on ur mental health just WORK bro full-time u can always finish later."
ii. No. You can't. You can't finish "later." You do nothing! I'm the most centred guy I know. The average of my emotions is directly in the centre! My grandpapper is right, "year off = jack off." I got Fat Joe, one missed call from data science and a healthy fear of death. I need change. I need work, I need challenges. What I don't need is your fucking lazy ass arrogantly standing over me like you know something, telling me to quit life while dating high school girls! And as the community is probably aware, she has no big plans afterward.
2b) Post-Adolescent Expertise
i. I didn't get laid while I got my dehghree or any of this. My survival instinct, that bottom level on Mazlow's Hierarchy was cut loose by Prozac and the caricature I developed to fit in to my "career." Because I was constantly contortionizing with my personality. As long as the general direction is towards love and helping more than hurting it's best to always be yourself and speak your mind. Tell people the truth, don't be bullshitting folks!
ii. Fight for change in a way that is true to yourself, not creating a caricature of your idealized personality. Don't create the version you think "the world" wants "to see," trust me, they know. The animal body can only deal with so many abstract moral systems and many of them had serious epistemic problems to begin with. I know how much conformity is appropriate, a good deal, but not all of it. Just fucking be yourself, Jesus.
Act IIV: FINALS WEEK
It is said that science fiction and fantasy are two different things. Science fiction is the improbable made possible, and fantasy is the impossible made probable. - Rod Serling
3a) Fox, No Items, Final Destination
i. I am in a good mood though. And I believe in love. With responsibility this time. Wave Fuctions bitty. I wrote the final. I studied insanely hard. I knew how to do basically everything. But I ran out of time. Come to think of it, everyone ran out of time. To the point where the prof interrupted shit to announce leniency. I'm not confident in grades getting curved though. This shit is hard work. It's a test, you can do 27 word problems from 4 chapters as practice but you better be fast at factoring some gigantic ass expression with angular frequency to the power of 4, to 2, nested brackets, zeros in zeros, yeah the "quadratic formula" exists moron. Next up, figure out which terms to "eliminate" to get an expression for x as q gets very large or small (but not taking an actual limit!?) At least I've already finessed myself into one place.
ii. Granny says the most important thing is hard work. I agree. Sci-fi is better than fantasy, LSD is better than mushrooms, physics is better than biochem and I still believe this universe was still created for the purpose of love.
1. Lowry, Lois. The Giver. New York : Laurel Leaf Books, 2002, c1993. Print.