The other week I planted in a bunch of planters appleseeds and acorns to keep outside over winter so they can be seedlings in the spring. The other day, when I went out to water them, it looks like a squirrel had sniffed out the acorns and had decided to help itself to them. Which is fine, that's part of life and I kind of figured there was a chance of that happening. Since I have a bunch of empty pots and no acorns now, the other day Dala and I went and gathered pine seeds and planted those instead. They're no oak trees, but they're still pretty, so I'll work with that.
My mental faculties have been on a slow but steady downward trajectory for the past two or three years. It's been pretty easy for me to be in denial about it, because most of the signs so far have been pretty easy to ignore. I say most, because I've been ignoring a big red flag and that's my inability to handle stress. I've been forced out of jobs because of it and I haven't been able to work as much or as well as I used to. Recently though, a new red flag has popped up, and that's when I'm any combination of tired, stressed, or processing too much information, I struggle with speech. I can't remember even basic words and conveying even simple ideas takes so much effort it's an equal combination of embarrassing and scary.
Sucks for Hubski though that, for the most part, my ability to write hasn't been affected yet. Which means you lot will probably have to put up with me for the foreseeable future.
Last Wednesday I had such a great day at work I was reminded of the kind of man I used to be. The rest of the week was a near disaster, reminding me of the man I am now. It was enough to make me realize I can't afford to be in denial anymore, that dementia runs in the family and that coupled with my head injury, the future looks pretty foggy. I'm gonna save up money to visit the neurologist that treated me for my head injury and see where we go from there. A family planner and possibly social worker might be in my future too. In an odd way, finally acknowledging that I'm having some very real problems make things feel less scary and more scary than before.
If anyone has experience in this realm and some advice, I'd love to hear it. No pity though. All things considered I'm still in good shape and I intend to keep it that way.