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comment by kingmudsy
kingmudsy  ·  1693 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Who are you, Hubski?

Here's a list of adjectives: New graduate, boyfriend, programmer, smart, lazy, jokester, still-figuring-shit-out-ish

I don't think people really understand me, and I don't think I really understand myself. I don't think I've really put the work in towards self-discovery, and "Who am I" is such an expansive fucking question that I don't even know how to begin finding answers to it. I know that everyone I meet sees me a different way, and while I think it's dangerous to define yourself relative to how people perceive you...I mean, everyone does that anyway. So fuck it. I don't know who I am. I'm a different thing to everyone who looks at me, as we all are. As I get older, I care less about what all these people think of me, and I don't know if that's good or bad.





ThurberMingus  ·  1693 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    lazy

I started a whole debate with my wife last night by arguing to reject the entire concept of laziness. "Defensive, much?" was the best counter for the argument as a whole. I'll definitely still argue that laziness isn't a useful term. Lazy can mean a bunch of different things, like not jumping through someone else's bullshit hoops, or your own bullshit hoops, or avoiding something, or almost anything.

People talk as if the fix for 'lazy' is always 'pedal harder' without picking a destination or looking to see if the brake is jammed.

And here ends my rant based only on a single word of your comment...

kingmudsy  ·  1690 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I left it as a single word because I didn't feel like expanding on it at the time, but the simple truth is that I'm lazy when I don't know what to do and I'm too embarrassed to ask for help. I'm physically active and I have countless irons in the fire, but if I don't know what my next step is I don't naturally search for it.

By way of example: There's a side project I'm working on, and I realized I don't have the knowledge I need to make it work. I've let that project stagnate because learning how to do better makes me feel like I wasn't qualified for the task I undertook in the first place.

I'm getting better about it. Being able to acknowledge it has helped. I won't always be like this.