I went on a Bumble first date last night. The guy brought his gun. thank u, next. I have another Bumble first date tonight, I'm more excited about this one. I really just wanted to share because like, bringing a gun on a first date, not to mention telling your date about it, is pretty fucking NUTS right?
That's a really interesting question... I concealed carry almost every day. I have a license, etc., so it is legal. However, I also know that the presence of a gun is a problem for some people. So, for example, I talked to my massage therapist about it. Told her I carry. Asked about her opinion. And we came to an agreement. She is creating a safe space for me to be naked and vulnerable in, and I want to respect that, and not harm it in any way. Now... if I was going on a first date with someone, I need to consider some things: Option 1: Do I tell them about it so we are completely up front and honest about this? Starting off on the right foot? Option 2: Do I not tell the person, since this is just a first date, and we don't really know where this is going yet. If I take Option 1, then I risk alienating the other person immediately. Or, possibly start off a new relationship on a really strong foundation of trust and honesty. If I take Option 2, and the date goes well, and there is another date... do I tell her then? After the 5th date? What if it gets down to heavy petting and she stumbles across it? What if I wait until I "feel something for her", and tell her then... and she's completely turned off? Then we both get hurt. ======== Obviously, this depends a lot on how the conversation comes up. "Don't worry about a thing, little lady. I can protect us." (Pulls back coat to reveal concealed weapon.) versus "I think it is important to be up front and honest with you, so I'd like you to know that I regularly carry a concealed weapon. How do you feel about that?" ... are very different conversations.
Further question: do you conceal carry when you know you will be drinking? Research indicates to me that’s pretty heavily frowned upon to illegal in almost every state. Dude had 5 beers in 2 hours, which like isn’t crazy... but you’re carrying a gun. I say tell the person, because if they have a problem with you carrying, are you going to stop carrying because you’re dating them? If it’s a dealbreaker, and you really do conceal carry everywhere and this isn’t something you’d want to stop doing, then you should communicate up front because it sounds like it’d be a dealbreaker for you to stop just as much as it would be for them to date someone who’s typically packing. I completely agree that how you communicate this information to someone is as important and impactful to how a person’s going to receive it, as just the fact that you communicate it.
Oh, right! I forgot that this included drinking, too. Then no. I wouldn't carry. If I am carrying a gun or riding my motorcycle I don't drink. At all. It's easier to be absolutist about it, than to operate dangerous machinery in an altered state. Possibly. I don't carry a gun every single day. Some days I am not up to the responsibility of carrying a lethal weapon, and therefore don't. It stays locked up at home. If I were in a relationship with someone who was against CC, then I would have another factor to consider before carrying it every day. There have been months where I haven't carried it. I was too angry, too frustrated, too worked up about the political climate... whatever. I just decided that I didn't need to carry one day. Then the next day. Then the day after. Etc. I have many friends who have died at the hands of a crazy guy with a gun. That's why I started carrying: self defense. However, if you are honest with yourself, a Good Guy With A Gun Stops A Bad Guy With A Gun is a trope, and is not supported by the numbers. Not by a long shot. (Heh.) But there is something in the back of my brain that worries I can't protect my loved ones in the event of a loony with a gun, unless I am carrying a gun as well. So I carry. Sometimes. Most the time. Often. Not as much as I used to... ...are you going to stop carrying because you’re dating them?
Just to be completely unambiguous, yes, that's fucking insane.
Now I'm interested if there should be another gunski discussion. I went to a range recently and had fun there. I'm strongly considering a year membership for unlimited range time/rentals. Granted, I have no interest at all in owning a gun for "practical" or self-defense reasons. So maybe that's a separate (or really not at all separate?) issue.
What's Bumble? Also yes, totally nuts. I mean, carrying a gun is nuts on its own, but telling your date about it means it's part of your persona.
A couple weeks ago some people I was with were talking about a type of beer I'd never heard of. It was something like beer that had milk in it? And maybe fruit? That made me feel old. I had no idea what they were talking about.
Bumble is a dating app where you swipe each other like Tinder, but the girl has to send the first message. Also, matches expire after 24 hours, so there is a time limit as well. I am finding much more attractive/plentiful potential matches on Bumble than I did on Match. It would seem Match's barriers to entry (having a website that's straight from the 90s and a paywall) also kept out the cute younger guys (not surprising once I think about it). I did 1 Match date, but as of tonight will already be at 2 Bumble dates, having used the app for maybe 1/3 of the time I used Match (I paid for 6 months).
I can't imagine that happening in Canada. Well, maybe Alberta. The closest I ever got was this one guy. I had gone out with him once or twice. He became a little obsessive and phoned me. He said, "I need to see you -- even if it has to be through bullet-proof glass."
That's super fucking nuts. Run! I'm curious, I was talking with a friend of mine that is a physician. She is single. She has begun dating a guy that insists that they split the bill each time they go out, even though he is the one asking her out. Is this normal? She recently asked him to dinner and she paid because it was at her invitation. Is it old fashioned to think that the fella should pay when he asks a girl out? What are your expectations, if any? If anything above is less than PC, please be gentle in your reply. Any offense given was not intentional. I'm an old fool. Been married for 14 years.
I always make the offer to split. However I’m not often taken up on it. I went on two first dates this week — at the first, the bar put us on the same tab (which I didn’t expect) so when the guy closed, both our drinks were on there. I offered to pay and we ended up agreed that I would buy us a round. This wasn’t even financially but honestly I think the guy was assumed he made more than I do (which maybe he did — he said he bought his truck in cash, which is pretty substantial after all) and also this is the guy with the gun who I suspect buys into more stereotypically masculine/feminine “norms” or tropes of behavior. On the other date we were on separate tabs. The guy did say he expected us to be on the same but I told him not to worry about it and offered to buy one of his two drinks. What I would say is it seems typical for the guy to expect to pick up most of the tab for the first date. I think if that happens it’s good behavior of the counterpart to at least offer to contribute. Insisting on 50/50 splitting the bill for every date is like the other side of the pendulum. For me such insistence would be a bit of a pinkish flag; unless you know you’re both in the exact same financial situation, a 50/50 split isn’t necessarily really fair, just equal. I went on a match.com date earlier this year to a movie and we split with him buying tickets and me buying drinks and popcorn. For me, I’m very financially comfortable and I don’t expect everyone I go on a date with to have that same comfort. I also feel uncomfortable expecting a man to pay for everything (because then I feel like there’s an unspoken sense of obligation). On the other hand a person who insisted dates be split rigidly 50/50 would probably make me feel a little uncomfortable too. I like the middle ground where I always offer to pay my part of the bill or part of the bill or where both of us are contributing to the date (like the movies example). I guess I would call that “splitting the bill in spirit without whipping out a calculator to do it.” In my experience, guys generally seem to prefer paying at least 50% of a bill to a majority — but I’ve had some bad luck with dating partners in that realm, aka some guys who seem insecure about money/a woman paying. I wouldn’t expect that to reflect actual social norms or I would hope it didn’t. I do feel like the expectation should never be that the guy or masculine person is going to pay for the entire bill and a good standard of “being a decent person” behavior as the non-masculine person is to at minimum offer or make a token payment. For instance if the guy wanted to cover the dinner bill I’d say “here let me get the tip.” I don’t mind being treated and I’m not gonna fight a person who wants to treat me, but I’d never go on a date I couldn’t pay for. In the pat on rare occasions when I have, I’ve made my financial status clear to the person beforehand and we’ve agreed on who will pay and what activity we will do. It’s honestly a super complex subject from my experience. I have definitely known guys who liked to always pay. To me that strikes me as an uncomfortable power imbalance I don’t want to be a part of.
Thank you for the thoughtful reply. This is some solid insight for us fellas :) I like your approach. If someone pays for drinks, saying "I have the next round." Or dinner, "let me get dessert," is a really good way to maintain a "balance," in the budding relationship. Smart. Isn't it crazy how complex human interaction is? It's easy to forget that there are thousands of years of conditioning informing how we interact with one another. We are living in a time when we are, perhaps, changing the dynamic between the sexes faster than ever before.
Depends on how big the gun was...or, you know, just generally absolutely insane. Did you have an indication this guy was into guns from his Bumble profile?
Did he say why he felt the need to bring a gun to a first date? That's crazy. Someone you never met before for a date will almost never be comfortable with a gun in the open like that.
He said he always carries a gun. He said he is paranoid about shootings. It was conceal carried, not that that made me feel any better about it -- I would not have known he was carrying a gun except for the fact that he told me. He mentioned the CA shooting which just happened, that it was at a bar (like the bar we were at). I knew, thanks to Hubski, enough about the shooting to know that there was a "good guy with a gun" inside the bar when the shooting happened and that person still got shot and killed and was unable to stop the shooting. I did not feel the need to mention that at the moment, however, as I was not there in an attempt to convert someone to my way of thinking and did not think I'd be successful at it anyway.