Sophomore year our town gained an Albertson's. Got a flyer in the mail. Case of Hamm's Lite Ice. $5.99 a case. Fuck yeah. Get there. Each case has a $4 mail-in rebate coupon. $2/case beer.
Open a can. Spit it out. Roommates have some. Spit it out. Try cooking chili in it. Renders the beef inedible. Sent in the coupons, though. Jesus. $2/case beer.
Weeks pass. Out of mouthwash. Roommate 1 drank it all. More weeks pass. Roommate 2 gets drunk on Kahlua, opens a Hamm's and becomes outraged that we still had "trick beer" in the house. More weeks pass. Months pass. School ends. I move. Get a "notify sender of new address" with an $8 check from Hamm's. Realize we never got rid of the beer. Email Roommate 1, envisioning it lurking under the sink to surprise and terrify a new generation of sophomores.
"It took some doing, but I finally drank it all," he says. "Especially once you hid your mouthwash."
I don't cook with beer and I don't buy Hamm's. I've never liked hot dogs but I've discovered that if I grill them to the point where the outer casing delaminates and turns blackish they aren't so terrible.