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comment by Cumol
Cumol  ·  239 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: June 27, 2018


It has been a few weeks since this and I think you deserve an update. You can find the last update in the comment section.

Our last stand was that we went to the counseling session. She decided to go on the week long holiday she had booked beforehand, to get her mind cleared. I used that time to sort my thought too. I realized that I suffer the least if I assume that this is going to happen, that she will keep the child because then I could think about solutions to the problems my mind was producing and not cling onto the hope that she will get an abortion.

The counselor gave us the contacts of all clinics and doctors that perform abortions in the area and she asked me to get an appointment with one so we get all the information and could make a decision. So I did, after 5 of the addresses were closed in that time (due to holidays) I managed to get an appointment the Monday after she comes back from her holidays.

I pick her up from the train station, we talk, and about an hour later she tells me that she decided to keep the baby.

By that moment I had been detached from the thought that she might go for an abortion and honestly, the decision relaxed me, because it was a decision, after 3 weeks of unknowing. This was also the first time we did not talk about my family, or our worries, it was the first time we talked about how life could be, for her and for me with the baby coming.

Nevertheless, the next day, we went to the doctor's appointment to be informed. We learned that many things that we found on the internet were wrong and she seemed to fear the procedure more than anything. The doctor gave her two days to decide whether she wants to have it or not. As time was passing and we shouldn't wait too long.

We discuss and talk more and she decides to call her parents, to know how they feel, as in case she is going to keep the baby, they will be the people helping her the most.

On Wednesday morning, I get a call from her telling me that she has an appointment for an abortion on Friday that same week and asked if I can accompany her and take care of her for the following 24h. On that same day in the evening, she also said that she wants to end the relationship in a few weeks, when it is all over. The way I reacted was not the way she expected me to and she doesn't know if she can be with a person like me.

Friday comes, we drive there, she has the procedure done in 10 minutes. All went well, she takes 2 hours to recover from anesthesia and then we head home. Spending the day watching TV shows and eating. A day later some friends of her were coming over as it was her birthday on Sunday. We celebrate and have fun, as much as we can, at least.

Sunday evening, just before bed, we talk and realize that there is no sense in prolonging it much longer. Monday morning she tells me she is taking all her things and leaves... I was shocked, but also realized that it is probably for the best. On one hand I want to be there for her in that time, but on the other, it is her decision and a clear cut is the best for both of us.

What a roller coaster.

Two weeks ago she contacts me, to talk. Questioning whether our decision was right. She expected me to stop her from going. She was angry that I did not contact her to ask when her post-procedure checkup was (which turned out well, everything back to normal). We talked, we cried, we hugged, I told her that I am starting a therapy (had my first session last week), she was happy for me.

Still a roller coaster, distracting myself with work and my plans for summer. Conference in Berlin in two weeks, Burn (The Borderland) in Denmark in 4 weeks, meeting the girl from Israel in 6 weeks...

"Life is long and weird, and strange. There are plenty of questions that we can't know the answer to until much later. As you're only human, be as human as you can." - humanodon

Tagging everyone that might need an update: b_b, oyster, lil, _refugee_, steve, humanodon, goobster, kleinbl00

Thank you for listening to me and giving me the chance to pour out my guts

goobster  ·  238 days ago  ·  link  ·  


Something like 30 years ago, my girlfriend and I went through an abortion... and the biochemical aftermath. Your post brings it all back, in stark relief.

Good luck, my friend.

humanodon  ·  233 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Hey man, how are things at the moment for you?

Cumol  ·  232 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I am doing good. I guess.

Focusing on work. The next few weeks will be action-packed with a conference and burn later this month.

It might sound weird but I am falling in love, really hard. On one side I am feeling guilty that I am not "suffering" and that I am not sad like my ex. But on the other I am happy to have met such a wonderful person.

Sarah decided to cut all communications yesterday, and I can understand her. It makes me sad though...

How are you doing?

humanodon  ·  232 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Things are chugging along. Looking for a new job, trying to tie up loose ends; adult life maintenance shit-- you know how it goes.

Well, I don't blame you for feeling guilty for not suffering. That's kind of a weird space to be in. But hey, lucky you for finding this other person, I hope it works out.

Cumol  ·  232 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Thank you. I wish you all the good, in that long and strange life... :)

mk  ·  238 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Welcome to this side of a rift. I have no wisdom, just empathy.