We go to the movies together. Okay, together with others. Other tutors and their students. We sit together. She already knows how much I like the film– she loves it too. We talk about it for almost an hour.
Finally we get to the tram stop; I have to take the last one home. I hesitate, move to get on.
She: "Hop hop!"
I turn around, confused. "What?"
"Hop hop– hurry, you're going to miss it!"
As I turn back around, the doors close. We look at each other.
"Yeah, if you hadn't said anything, I'd've been fine!"
"If you'd just hurried, you'd've been fine."
"Yeah okay, I didn't know what 'hop hop' was supposed to mean."
"Whatever. How are you going to get home?"
"Walk, I guess"
"That's like a half hour, right? Aren't you cold?"
"Of course, but that was the last tram. What else can I do?"
She offers to take me home. I sit on her bike while she rides standing. She lends me her pullover, since I'm still cold. She has a jean jacket anyway.
10 minutes later I'm home. I thank her three or four times, give her pullover back.
She rides home.
An older student comes onto me. I blow him off, and she says she's glad that I didn't let his stubbornness get to me. Then: "I'm also glad for... other reasons, that you blew him off. ...But I shouldn't talk about them right now."
We're together at a party. Okay, together with others. We play foosball, dance, drink. I gradually get too tired to talk to strangers, and go sit with the smokers, although I quit smoking. After a few minutes she follows, sits by me. I snuggle up to her.
She: "We have a very unprofessional relationship."
I: "Yeah. But if you're going to employ 3rd-year students as tutors for other 3rd-years– are they really going to be surprised, that unprofessional relationships come out of it?"
She: "Exactly. Even the head tutor flirts with her student."
- Hi sorry you're still biking and actually so am I but
What are you doing tomorrow (today?) after work?
I like our unprofessional relationship
sorry yeah kinda dumb
- Hm we'll see
I wanted to do something with a friend
But he hasn't replied yet…
So maybe I have time :)
After my birthday party at her place, I'm the last non-roommate there. We shoot the shit in her room for half an hour. At half past midnight she decides it's time to sleep. I understand, and pack my things. We hug.
In the doorway: "I feel so bad, kicking you out so late… and you have to bike half an hour home"
"It's fine, really"
She hugs me again. After a few moments, she breaks away. Puts her hands on my shoulders, turns me around.
Then, perhaps even to herself: "Yeah, no. Better this way, I think."
I ride home.
- What are you doing next Monday? Evening
- We'll see… might have to work
But I hope not, then I'd have time :)
- I wanted to ask if you wanted to come over
I could cook for you, as a thank you
From when you took me home
And because I think it's fun to cook for people :)
- Sounds good :)
At the end of the evening we hug a second time. I pull back, look at her. Before I can lean in, she asks, "What?"
"Nothing. I thought you wanted to say something."
"Nah, never mind."
I run downstairs to see her one last time. I find her with her bike.
"Oh, hi? What's up?"
"Uh– do you wanna go out with me? Are we already doing that? What is even going on here?"
She's quiet, then sighs.
"So… first of all, I'm not allowed to. Since you're technically my student, and I'm an employee of the university, it's definitely off limits. And secondly, I– don't have romantic feelings for you."
"Haha what, then why did you lead with 'I'm not allowed to'? I mean, if you have no romantic feelings, that's it, right? Who gives a shit if you're allowed to or not."
"Yeah, I mean… yeah I don't know, I just don't want to commit a criminal offence. But yeah, I don't have romantic feelings either. I'm really sorry. I hope I haven't hurt you?"
"Eh. It's fine. Goodnight"
She rides home.