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comment by ThatFanficGuy
ThatFanficGuy  ·  264 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: PSA: The hubwheel is not a "like" button.

What I'm not okay with is seeing people care only when shit hits the fan.

I believe it's most people's default attitude to see oneself as a whole, level individual. I don't have that luxury. My head is brimming with thoughts of how flawed, how ugly and how miserable of a person I am. On some level, I want to believe them, 'cause it would make the game that much easier: if I am that terrible of a person, then all the bad signs I see are correct and there's no need to interpret them. Then I'm an asshole, truly and sincerely. Then I'm useless, in the most basic, existential sort of way.

So when shit hits the fan, suicide is on the list. It's a way out of all the shit I've accumulated through no fault of my own. I want to make things better, but there's layers upon layers of fuckedness that I need to unfold first. But...

I have maybe a week's worth of food stacked around the house. I have a bit more than 200 rubles - about $3.5 - to my name. I have no job, no savings, no rainy-day bank accounts and no one to ask for money from. I could do freelance jobs online to get the money I need, but the fear of failure and the anxiety are so severe that all I can afford to do is play videogames because at least there I can achieve something. I need professional help pronto but I can't afford it. And out of ten people I've met IRL during the year I've been missing, the only friend I thought I'd made is being pissy with me 'cause I'm "unwelcoming", which doesn't fucking help my mental state one bit. Just yesterday, I was reminded by a good gal how I royally fucked the opportunity to ever be friends with her, in the sweetest way possible...

...and there's not a single person I can talk to.

So yeah, I'm a little off right now. This isn't square-one shithead-TFG: I'm off the table, on the floor, and the floor is crumbling.

Tell me about the feeling of belonging that I'm missing once again, motherfucker.

tacocat  ·  263 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Where do you get the gall to come at me for being a dick then call someone a motherfucker for failing to respect your suffering? Life is not a game where the most pain is rewarded. Sorry you're having a bad time but life is not a suffering contest. I'm in bad shape. That's my cross to bear. Everyone has problems and they're important to them because they are their own. Me being homeless for two months is no less important than someone else failing to get a promotion. And I understand that. Because I don't whine about my self importance to seek sympathy

Is there a Russian word for laconic BTW? Because I'm tired of your verbose explanations

ThatFanficGuy  ·  263 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    That's my cross to bear.

That's right. Not others'. Which is my point.

tacocat  ·  263 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I rarely know what you're talking about. It gets weird when you think you can school me on usage and grammar.

If you understand your problems are your own then deal with them with quiet dignity instead of using them as an excuse to name call and be generally unpleasant

ThatFanficGuy  ·  263 days ago  ·  link  ·  

My problem is not with you. My problem is with something you did. Don't make it about your indignation.

I offered you my compassion in the best shape it presents itself. You blew it off.

There's no dignity in quiet. No bravery in suffering so that no one could see. That way, your burden becomes burden for others. It's how you find yourself talking to an Internet stranger you have no respect for about how they're insufferable and should crawl back into the hole they came from 'cause nothing good ever comes out of their mouth.

Quatrarius  ·  263 days ago  ·  link  ·  

tacocat and you: could you both cease or move to PM - you're cluttering up chatter with slapfighting

ThatFanficGuy  ·  263 days ago  ·  link  ·  

...what is it that makes you (and, seemingly, everyone) call it on me?

kantos  ·  264 days ago  ·  link  ·  

If people show up when shit hits the fan, is that not evidence enough they gave a shit in the first place.