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comment by ButterflyEffect
ButterflyEffect  ·  4 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: May 16, 2018

Keep thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend. The hard part of the conversation is that the problem isn't really her, it's that I don't know if I want a serious long term relationship right now. Hard to shake the voice in my head saying leave.

Turned down that company job transfer.




WanderingEng  ·  4 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Is it possible to have it be a long term relationship without it being serious? Would that help? I have a lot of flexibility being single, and losing that would be a fear of mine. But there must be some middle ground.

ButterflyEffect  ·  4 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Well, I guess I've always considered those two things to go hand in hand. Can you elaborate?

WanderingEng  ·  3 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I guess, to be in the relationship but to have a mutual understanding that there's little expectation of doing couple-y things. I'm not sure if it would work; both people would need to be on board with it or one could be offended. But it would be, like, Friday night and don't want to eat home alone? Text the girlfriend and see if she's interested in going out. But similarly if you want to get up early to run Saturday morning, there's no expectation of being a couple just because it's Friday night, and if she texts you, it's ok to say no.

Maybe one or the other people end up frustrated with it, but if it's an option of ending it or trying a different approach, maybe it's an option.

Caveat: I'm very single and probably the last person in the world to give advice.

lil  ·  4 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    The hard part of the conversation is that the problem isn't really her, it's that I don't know if I want a serious long-term relationship right now

Oh?

ButterflyEffect  ·  4 days ago  ·  link  ·  

???

lil  ·  4 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    Hard to shake the voice in my head saying leave.
Have you talked about it?

Reminds me of a line from Shakespeare's Julius Caesar (Act 2, Scene 1, 65-67)

    Between the acting of a dreadful thing

    And the first motion, all the interim is

    Like a phantasma or a hideous dream.

ButterflyEffect  ·  4 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Yes, but it's been a very difficult conversation because I don't fully understand what is causing that voice to be there.

Like a phantasma. ps it's good to see you here again.

lil  ·  4 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Thanks... it's family.