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comment by lil
lil  ·  282 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Paralyzed.

I really like what humanodon said below.

    Life is long and weird, and strange. There are plenty of questions that we can't know the answer to until much later. As you're only human, be as human as you can. Maybe there will be opportunities for better outcomes as the situation emerges, but that's only possible if you're able to engage in the situation together.

My first reaction was similar as in, don't make decisions based on fears of unknown outcomes. You are predicting all kinds of bad outcomes for years into the future, but life happens one step at a time.

You didn't ask for advice, but if you did, I have some thoughts.

_refugee_  ·  282 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    You didn't ask for advice,

This right here for every single person in this thread lol, once more for every biddy in the back

Cumol  ·  282 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I would love to hear your thoughts, lil

lil  ·  281 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I was going to pm you, but there is something to be said for community discussion. The counselling seems to have been helpful. It looks like you came to the point that I was going to make anyway.

    I got to the point where I can only say that I have to trust Sarah with whatever choice she is going to take.

Yes, and say it aloud to her and mean it.

That is what I would need to hear from a sexual partner in this situation. I would want to feel respected and trusted. Then I can freely make my own decision.

Re getting over it and moving on: goobster said

    The woman does not.

On one hand, maybe we never really get over anything. We just learn to carry it more gently.

Painful, difficult experiences (like your counselling session, an abortion, etc) are the journey. They teach us what kind of a person we are or can be, and they change us irrevocably.

On another hand, time moves on and women move on with it into a new reality which becomes their life - and it will be your life too, whatever it is. Make the best of it.

I'm saying all this after experiencing an unexpected pregnancy & abortion at 23 a few weeks into my first teaching job in northern BC; a subsequent pregnancy and live birth of a healthy daughter; and later, a second trimester abortion upon learning I was carrying baby with an undeveloped heart due to a chromosomal abnormality. I was told she would die in my arms immediately after birth, so took the abortion option. We get over it all and move on and if we don't get over it, we at least carry it more and more gently.

As for my daughter, her father disappeared completely from her life when she was 7 and reappeared 18 years later. They are very close now and he and his partner give her a lot of love and support.