I get it. I suspect I'm mad because from my perspective, the tech has become pernicious and lame.

- the best phone I ever owned was an iPhone 3G. I can honestly say it's all been downhill since Apple finally added copy/paste.

- I didn't used to have to know exactly what settings to silence every app so that my alarm would work in the morning but Etsy wouldn't wake me up with a sales blast at 3am. Honestly, I was better off with the old Windows phone that had a memory leak when you tried to use the alarm.

- My wife carries around a dozen CDs. She listens to maybe three of them. That used to work for me, too. Now I can play any song I own simply by saying it... assuming the Google lady knows what "Toxygene" sounds like. Because most of the time, it decides I really meant Young Jeezy who proceeds to blast at my daughter in the back seat.

I could go on for hours. We had a half-hour detour yesterday because there was a closed road and Google's answer to "how do I get around this detour" was "make a u-turn and go the way I told you, ass." The road closure has been there for a month - I know this because my city sends me emails, it's just not where I usually drive so I wasn't paying attention. But rather than giving cities a way to keep Google Maps updated with road closures, Google is busily coming up with cutesy assistants so that business owners have to deal with bad text-to-speech robots now.

That bitch woke me up this morning. For some reason, she thought I said "I'm a train" so she gave me videos. And it's not like I was talking in my sleep - I was semi-awake and listening to my wife and daughter bang around three rooms away. Google would just rather punk around with spurious bullshit than make the experience they've already half-assed a little better and it fucking pisses me off.