The FUBAR, or - more correctly - a wrecking hammer. This is the hammer for the apocalypse. If you ever need to do any construction or demolition work, or, really, any hammer-work at all that isn't driving nails, this thing is the BOMB.
The Fender P/Jazz Bass, despite being the original bass guitar, is still the best all-around bass guitar ever made. While other basses are more expensive, more specialized, or funny-shaped, the Fender P-Bass/Jazz Bass is simply the perfect balance to play absolutely anything. (The differences between the P and the Jazz bass are minor, and only of interest to bass players.) From Sid Vicious, to Dee Dee Ramone, to Jaco Pastorius, to Geddy Lee, to Billy Sheehan, to the March Fourth Marching Band, bass players rely on the flexible tone, incredible reliability, and pure simplicity of the Fender P and Jazz basses.
Finally, a vasectomy. Best medical decision I ever made. (No... you can google the image yourself! I'm not gonna make you look at that.)