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comment by _refugee_
_refugee_  ·  4 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: You all are great!

Yes. Repeat what you believe you are hearing, and ask, "Is that about right?" or "Am I understanding correctly?" or etc. "Do I understand you correctly, or is there something I'm getting wrong?"

I commented on something on Reddit and someone responded saying, "Why does everyone assume that when they disagree with someone else, the other person must not understand them correctly?" - implying that at the base, me and this other poster simply did not agree and would not.

I didn't bother responding, because reddit, but if it were here and a serious question, I would say -- because assuming there is a misunderstanding between the two of us, perhaps I can clarify on my side provides so much more room for eventual unification and agreement than You don't agree with what I am saying in this one-off comment where there is nothing of nuance or subtlety hashed out between the two of us, so therefore we must be at diametric odds and doomed to forever disagree.

"Maybe we don't understand each other" recognizes there is a disagreement, but opens the door for the possibility of discussion and understanding, if not eventual alignment -- while "Well we certainly do not agree, and I am sure I am right, so therefore you must be wrong" shuts the same door very firmly - in fact, in my opinion, it slams it.